When I moved back to South Africa after spending nearly a decade in northern Europe, it was with no small measure of shock that I realized I had forgotten how to live in this country. It wasn’t just the small things like not knowing where to buy stuff or at what age kids here go to school – it was a culture shock which took me entirely by surprise, having longed and yearned for home during most of my time away. In retrospect, what happened was that I lost my tough outer shell.
During those years of living in a place where egalitarianism is the norm; where nobody goes hungry and almost everybody had a roof over their heads, the thick skin you need to live in South Africa had grown soft. I couldn’t cope with the children begging at the traffic lights and the thin women with babies who knocked on the front door asking for food. Once, in Pick n Pay, I found myself behind a woman with two things in her basket – pilchards and rice. That was obviously all she could afford. Yet, she continued to walk up and down the aisles as if, magically, the contents of her wallet would increase the longer she hung around. I had to leave the shop; I couldn’t bear it.
I gave to everyone who asked me. In those early months I parted with vast sums of money. One morning I gave an old man nearly blind with cataracts R500 so that he wouldn’t be evicted from the room he shared with his son. I would stand behind people in queues and pay for all their groceries. I was in despair, and utterly outraged by the wealth surrounding the poverty and the collective blindness everyone down here seemed to practice. I shook my head at the people waving the children away from their 4X4s – as no doubt my friends shook their heads at me, wondering how I was ever going to survive living back in this country.
Then, slowly, I became immunized like everybody else. I started being more selective about who I helped; stopped taking every sob story at face value. One day a man whose groceries I was paying for asked me to hang on a second and dashed off for five minutes, coming back with wine, salmon pate and imported crackers. I hired somebody to clean and look after the girls. Before I knew it I was attending meetings with her grandson’s school principal; buying stationary for her cousin’s child, bankrolling the entire family and – by the way – being taken for the biggest ride. Slowly I started to realise I was behaving like a total imbecile, and if I couldn’t come to grips with my white guilt and accept South Africa for what it was I would be better off living in Perth.
Eventually, I stopped giving to people on the street. I guess I got tired of it – the constant, relentless need and the tales of woe coming at me each time I walked out my front door. And the gaping black hole no amount of R5 coins will ever fill. At first I was horrified by this callous version of myself. Now I’ve made peace with her. There is no other way. Random acts of kindness just don’t work down here. You need to get over yourself and understand where you’re living. The complexity of our socio-political context is impenetrable to foreigners, and you have to have lived here a long time to get it. It’s everything and nothing to do with race and colour. It’s the wild west where dog eats dog and survival of the fittest is the ethos you have to practice, even while you’re acutely aware of the injustices. It’s brutal, and you have no choice but to be as tough as nails.
You make a decision about how you’re going to give, whether of your time or your money, and then you draw the line. You pay people well, care about their families and behave like a decent human being, but you institute boundaries and you stick to them. And, paradoxically, South Africa remains the warmest, friendliest (dare I say ‘happiest’?) country I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been to many. I live in a road with a couple of B&Bs. I’m regularly accosted by tourists who want to tell me how much they love my country and its people – how they’ve never encountered such warmth and generosity of spirit and that they can’t wait to come back. And I have to agree – it’s a crazy place, but it’s beautiful and vibrant and alive. It buzzes with a kind of energy that makes me feel like I can do anything I choose. And what I probably love most of all is the freedom and the open-endedness of life down here; there is something which makes the human spirit sing. A sort of wonder at being alive which Europe – for all its fabulous old buildings – lacks. For reasons I can’t really qualify, it seems to fill people with joy.
So, what I’ve learnt over the past four years is that I can’t save Africa and, frankly, I’ve started to wonder whether it needs my saving. A while back I got a whatsapp from a friend who receives daily words of wisdom and counsel from a sage by the name of Abraham, and it was a message that challenged the way I see this country. It said, what if there is nothing ‘wrong’ with South Africa? What if it simply operates by a different set of standards and norms? What if the ‘problems’ are about us and our perceptions and that there is nothing, in fact, to fix?
Of course I interpret this in my personal paradigm that nothing is random and that this earth realm is the school of hard knocks. We come here for a certain type of experience, and we choose our setting accordingly. No, this doesn’t exempt us from doing the right thing and giving whatever we can, but it does serve as a type of reminder not to take too much to heart; to step back a bit and observe rather than taking everything on as a personal battle. Practice love. Be a good human being. But, it is what it is. It was the a-ha moment I’d been needing all along. You don’t always have to understand things to love them. Sometimes it’s the complexity and the mystery that create the firmest grip on our hearts. We all have different ways of interpreting our truth, but I felt like I ‘got’ it at last. And what a relief to lay down my panga.
The Disco Pants Blog 
Absolutely brilliant observations. All the expats now back in SA can totally relate. And if you have not lived beyond our borders the truth hits even harder…
Thank you, Christa x
Absolutely love it !!! Couldn’t have asked for a better way to start my crazy Friday … running around like a mad person trying to get all the stupid documents ready for a visa for GHANA and NIGERIA … we are mad, aren’t we ???
More of these please … and less recipes … it just makes me too hungry too early in the morning and I just know I won’t cook like that … ever !!
Date: Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:58:35 +0000 To: riaanmuller@hotmail.com
Eish – you good.
And, let’s not forget the effect of living around others living in “freedom and open-endedness”.
Thanks so much, Craig. Always enjoy getting feedback from you :-)
Wow, such powerful words. Thanks for putting it all in words. I have lived in Canada for over 17 years could not agree more.
Thank you, Belinda! Hope you are happy and well! x
One must know and accept that there are many harbour cats and man stray dogs ..one can never adopt them all…..they seem to survive…each on it`s own instincts, in it`s own space and each one of them crying out ..”.I will take what you want to give, but leave me alone,.. this is my world where I sing my own songs”
I think you have really captured something here! Made me smile – particularly your comment about the energy and the buzz of the place!
Thank you, Mardeen :-)
I do the Joy Basket and have for many years. Find someone in the supermarket and trail them to the till then pay for their groceries. That way they are getting what they need and want and I have made a little contribution. Will do this as long as I can afford wine and magazines. BTW I always say just do something nice for someone else…
Good for you, Joy! What a cool thing to do.
Well written! You hit the nail on the head. Felt exactly the same coming back after years in Singapore.
For what its worth, here is my bit. For those of us who live here and have lived here always….Some of us have been hijacked at gunpoint or experienced some of the crime in some way…..most of us who think realise that there is nothing normal in SA and most of us get desparate when trying to think of a solution. So many years ago, when democracy arrived we were so optimistic. But, what has happened? There has been a complete failure on the part of the government to alleviate appalling conditions. There is, by government and the police, and in every facet of government, including those who are appointed to assist their own in the social services, extensive corruption. There is now even corruption in the judiciary. The president sets no example. There are no role models for the youth. Most importantly, there is no accountability. The officials in government seem not to realise that we the taxpayer, pay their salaries; they are our employees. There is a rape every 3 minutes. People kill for cell phones; not always for food, often for drugs. Life has no value. That is NOT normal. But the majority will vote the ANC back in governance next year; if they don’t they will be punished. God or the ancestors are watching, according to our president. Is SA “Normal”? Definitely not in he eyes of manyhere and elsewhere in the world. However, for Africa, it is considered “normal” by many. Just consider every country to the North of SA. And that is the way we are going to stay, no doubt about it. Mugabe? I rest my case. You vote, and you get the government you deserve, and there is nothing that can change that; that is normal throughout the world.
Agreed. Those persons who can leave SA but don’t are in my opinion simply bonkers. Remaining in SA when one has the means to leave, is like buying shares in a company that is infamous for being run into the ground by buffoons – how can one possibly think that things are going to turn out well? I left in 2002 when I had saved enough for a plane ticket and have never returned. Like anywhere, the First World isn’t perfect, but at least I don’t have to fear for my safety and I know that my tax isn’t being stolen by outrageously corrupt crooks.
Excellent response!
What a beautifully written post. Wow. I have lived in London for the past 5 years, and we also plan to move ‘home’. Like you I feel that my outer shell has softened considerably, and each tine that I go back home on holiday I feel it. And then my Family and friends enlighten to me what you have described so beautifully above, what you know from living amongst it all everyday. I guess I will also just have to figure it out for myself though…Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you, Lulu! Yes, you will figure it out. I’ve never looked back or been happier. Coming ‘home’ can feel like moving to another foreign country, and it might take time before everything feels normal again. Be patient with yourself. Good luck!
Absolutely brilliant post. Offered a completely fresh perspective at the end which applies to this whole earthly existence: What if there is nothing to fix? It brings to mind a verse from the Tao te Ching:
Tao Te Ching: Chapter 29
translated by Stephen Mitchell (1988)
Do you want to improve the world?
I don’t think it can be done.
The world is sacred.
It can’t be improved.
If you tamper with it, you’ll ruin it.
If you treat it like an object, you’ll lose it.
There is a time for being ahead,
a time for being behind;
a time for being in motion,
a time for being at rest;
a time for being vigorous,
a time for being exhausted;
a time for being safe,
a time for being in danger.
The Master sees things as they are,
without trying to control them.
She lets them go their own way,
and resides at the center of the circle.
Can’t tell you what a joy this comment is to receive this morning, Mark! I got criticism for this piece for implying that we shouldn’t help impoverished people living in dire circumstances, and it’s been bothering me vaguely ever since because the person in question didn’t ‘get’ what I was saying and I didn’t know how to explain. And that was not what I meant. Thanks for totally ‘getting’ it – and letting me know :-)
“Nothing needs to be fixed. Everything is unfolding perfectly. So when you stand in your now accepting that all is well, then from that vibration, you become surrounded by more and more evidence that all is well. But when you’re convinced that things are broken, that there is pollution, or that things have gone wrong, or that the government is doing conspiracies… then what happens is you get caught up in that vibration, and you begin to manifest that kind of stuff, and then you say, ‘See, I told you that things were going wrong.’ ”
-Abraham
A wonderfully written article Susan. I identify wholly with it and so many other voices in the comments section. As a 5th generation African born, raised (and but for a few years living & travelling abroad) still consciously choose to live in and love our beautiful Zimbabwe. Your words and ideas deeply resonate. Thank you!
THANK YOU, LEANNE! What a relief to be understood – a number of people are interpreting this piece as my not caring, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Your comment comes a gift. I think it’s about a readiness – you can either ‘hear’ the message, or you can’t. Like tuning a radio, or something. Thanks for adding to the paradigm I was only brave enough to refer to in short, and all happiness to you in beautiful Zimbabwe x
I get what you are saying. I haven’t been an Expat for long, but I feel the “emptyness”. We South africans, have SPIRIT. That is all thanks to our own ancestors. We made each other strong, and maybe that is what the rest of the world needs. Our spirit and wit. I have spirit, government doesn’t want it, francly, they do not dererve it. I’ll spread it somewhere else where it is wanted and welcomed. They can break it all down, I’ll take my spirit back one day and help to rebuild it all. I will save my R5 each time for those who want to be helped and who help others.
Arent us South Africans the most amazing people??!! With all that is going on in this beautiful country, we still remain hopeful and always optimistic. This is who we are…that is what makes us tough and brave and special and hopeful and an interesting unique people…..
Wow, well put, Susan! I was back in Cape Town for two weeks last October (10 years after leaving the country) and I found myself having to do a moral backflip, as it were. But then, I’ve come across beggars in Melbourne and Sydney as well, so I suppose I had been “kept in practice”! Yes, you need to be tough to live in SA, but at the same time we all know how many chancers there are on every street and every corner. But, above all, I felt at home from the second I stepped off the plane! We are a different breed, oh yes, and we have that special spirit, that sense of humour and that adaptability that makes us different. Viva iAfrika!
I’ve lived here all my life and I still feel the guilt. I tried to assist a person once, who was losing his home, blah blah blah (I naively took advances on my salary to help). The Accounts lady had a go at him and told him to never come back to our office again. He phoned me (not sure how he got the number) and told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. Clearly I was the cash cow. It was a very hard lesson to learn, and I’m probably a lesser person for it, however I should have known better: we’re told not to throw pearls before swine…
Well written I live in Australia now and feel sooo grateful that I don’t have to apologise for being white. I whilst living in SA always felt guilty for having a white skin even though all the problems were created well before my time SA is vibrant and colourful but the violence and corruption leaves me cold
Thank you for this, I have been in Europe and away from home for 10 years now and each year I say I want to go home, I must go home and this has helped me to move in that direction. Have a good day x
Come home to us, Tracy! We need you. And you will never, ever look back :-)
great perspective!
as a South African living in California for 15 years, I totally appreciate the loss of that outer shell – perfectly articulated!
hey there!! I have to say I loved this so very much. There are those that live in negativity and those that see the good. I too left for the UK ( but only for the after varsity travel experience, no other reason) and returned 8 years later. I have been home 11 years now, and it is truly home.
I wish I could say I have won the internal war of wanting to help every person I see, but now I choose to listen to my inner gut and help a few that I know will make the most of it.
I have family and friends that have immigrated to Oz and UK etc, and they do cling on to whatever negativity is out there, and I let them.
I have traveled extensively for work, and to this day, this is still the warmest and happiest place I have been. I wave and smile at most people walking by me on the road, or that I pass on the street in my car ( yes I am an irritatingly happy person), and what I love is that majority, connect with your eyes, and will respond to your warmth in double dose. We have the biggest brightest smilers on earth, I am certain. I have been hijacked, I have had a gun to my head, and a few bad situations, but I refuse to allow those bad individuals affect my attitude to the good people of this country.
Often with my line of work I get to speak to people who visit here for the first time, expecting the worst, but experiencing the opposite. The first thing they say, is they cannot get over the friendliness and authenticity of peoples intentions.. we have a special ingredient called UBUNTU.
Perhaps the odds are “obvious” to some that we are on downward slope if you look at the facts and figures and all the sums of negativity. But I will soak up the love here and the awesome people until such time the much awaited doom arrives ( which by the way, is 20years late already haha).. and then I will make my choices. Until then, if ever, ( and hopefully not) I wish everyone would focus on the good and what we can control, just like you have done with writing this.
Sorry to have rambled on – and I probably make no grammatical sense in my haste in writing this, but I know you can understand my point..
You are a shining star in my week!
THANK YOU for sharing your UBUNTU x
Oh my goodness, Sue, I’m in love with you. I wish more South Africans thought this way! Thanks for your wonderful, wonderful comment, and let’s keep spreading the love :-) xxx
absolutely brilliant. thank you for so eloquently expressing exactly what it is like to be a returnee. Guilt is something that you live with, and the best thing I’ve done is to chose my circle of influence and influence it. I’ve tried to make it small, meaningful and manageable. Teach my children the history of our country and why it is like it is, to help them understand why they are priviledged. And how to share.
I am also sad I’ve given up trying to help everyone… but in that I really helped no-one! Especially not myself. I figure I’m back in SA and in that we have directly employed 15 people, indirectly who knows how many… that’s a start in terms of contribution.
What drives me mad is people who run this country down from outside it’s borders…
No-ones got a problem with people who choose to emigrate. We really do now live in a global village. Freedom of choice and freedom of movement are (practically) human rights, and the trade in human skills, or simply the expression of human preference, means that millions of people cross borders every year in search of a better, happier, more satisfying existence. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t. Either way, it is considered normal behaviour.
In South Africa, though the emigration issue is fraught with angst and bewilderment. Given that we cant even pick a sports team in this country , or attend a job interview for that matter, without a seemingly irrelevant politically motivated distraction to consider, perhaps this is just the way its got to be. But wouldn’t it be nice if it wasn’t? Wouldn’t it be that much more pleasant going to bed at night knowing that there weren’t scores of bitter and twisted expats out there trolling internet forums, posting comments on South African news sites and generally belittling the country of their birth from abroad?
It really shouldn’t be this way. Just think of the hundreds of thousands of emigrants who have disappeared across the waters, (often to our great loss), and who haven’t looked back. Or who look back regularly, and even visit regularly, but when they do it is with joy and magnanimity in their hearts. They love and miss South Africa – it’s just that they have found a more satisfying, more lucrative and/or more lovefilled life in another country, like so many other migrants around the world.
There’s a good explanation for this vocal minority of disaffected Saffers living abroad, and it boils down to insecurity. They have made the effort, they have paid the money, they have uprooted their lives and, because they are not really satisfied where they are now, they now need to justify their actions. A bit like bumping into your gorgeous ex down at the pub and then spending the rest of the night explaining to your mates why “you broke up with her”.
Essentially it’s therapy. But to the South African living at home, it is a global PR disaster.
As opposed to the quiet expat who just heads off overseas and gets on with his new life – and good luck to him/her – the bitter expat loves nothing more than painting his adopted land as the modern Utopia while prophesying the imminent social and economic implosion of the country he has left behind. The sinking ship. The dying beast. The next Zimbabwe. Oh, its coming, just around the corner. Promise. Those of us foolish enough to stay behind are all destined to be murdered in our beds, for sure.
Well you know what? With every historical landmark South Africa has faced and overcome, somehow, amazingly, infuriatingly! it has not yet fallen apart at the seams. Even when JZ finally wormed his way into power, the surest sign yet that we were about to tip into the sea, northing really changed.
In fact, not much has changed since the swing in power. We still get by, we still bitch about the idiots in charge, we still braai and have a jol – which is particularly galling for the bitter expat out there living in First World mediocrity, because even though he secretly yearns for home, a part of him wants South Africa to fall apart. Then all he has to say is: “See? I told you so!”
Laughed out loud at your ‘gorgeous ex’ analogy – so true, all of it. Thanks for your cool comment, and Amen :-)
I enjoyed reading your perspective – I don’t usually read blogs but this one caught my attention and is making me think. I was born, live and have my own boys still living here – You help out where you can, but don’t get involved and the grass is never greener on the other side.
So refreshing to read stuff that isn’t just a big old whinge about how terrible our country is! Yes, it has it’s problems, but then so does everywhere. It’s Africa, it was like that before we got here, it’ll be like that when we leave. Accept it, love it and equip yourself to live there. If you’re not prepared to, then leave. But then don’t just sit passively behind your electric fence with your full time maid and then moan about it! Get off your butt and make a change in your own way, charity begins at home, let’s sort out our own “problems” first. Like our outlook on life and our attitude towards stuff!
We will be coming home at the end of the year after a 5 year stint in the UK. I’ve loved living here, but it’s just not “home” for all the reasons that you listed and many, many more! We all know about the bad stuff, but lets focus on the good stuff. Clearly sitting around moaning about it isn’t working! Lets change our tactics! Thank you for your positive article! xxx
I have to agree with Steve, I too get annoyed with those you have left SA and do nothing else but post negative articles and feel “sorry for those of us left behind”. I am so proudly South African and accept we have our problems. We are the hard knock society and are not left behind. We have chosen to stay or come home and mostly (I hope) are happy to be here. I have yet to find a country that does not have it’s own problems in one way or form. Yes, even Australia. Kangaroo’s and flies do not make you a stronger person. I say, get over it, stop preaching from the far reaching corners of the earth and let us African’s do what we do best. Braai, enjoy the outdoors, love our wildlife, enjoy our sunshine 90% of the year, be happy and most of all be HOME. Cause that is where we are…… home.
I have helped and seen poverty when I lived in the UK, in the states and many many parts of the world. I have a British passport and would be able to immigrate any time. I choose to live here and love it here. Those south Africans who choose to immigrate-great-happy for you if it makes you happy. But then stop justifing your decision and slamming our beautiful country-rather focus on that countries problems-because believe me they are there! And leave us positive south Africans to enjoy our wonderful country-which we know deep down you are missing terribly anyway!
A great read, very well written and very accurate. We have lived in California for 12 years and went back to SA for a year, to show the kids and reconnect with family. I did all those things you mentioned in your blog……California made me soft, We returned to California and are back in the swing of life in the USA…….SA is not s place for sissies, that is for sure ! Thanks for your great blog, I really enjoy it.
Great article, thank you Susan! Love the comments too. I’m a Capetonian living in Csuco, Peru where my wife comes from & promoting responsible travel to the Peruvian Amazon via my company Tambopata Travel. I still miss the fynbos though & yearn for a walk on Blouberg beach. It was mainly economic reasons that brought us back to live in Peru, along to some extent with the lifestyle, street life, friends etc….but if I could find a good position in the Cape we’d probably be back in a shot! Your article really hit home so to speak.
Have loved abroad for 30 years , Africa is in the blood, will always be dear to me and a beautiful country . Never listen to negative comments especially of people have not experienced it themselves. how well South Africans represent their country , the world always loves to visit.
I really enjoyed your blog. I am an expat living is Australia and miss my family and friends every day but I don’t miss living in South Africa. I left, with my family because in 1994 we were promised so much by Nelson Mandela and the ANC. A country with equal oportunity, a rainbow nation all living in harmony. My family had been working tirelessly for the day of equality in South Africa. Unfortunately that dream was shattered when we had armed robberies, hijackings, violent muggings etc. from which I never recovered. We have been back to visit and do fit in immediately but I am not cut out to live in fear everyday of my life and prefer to live where there are no burglar bars and fences etc. I had become a very bitter person because we tried so hard to make a difference but in the end it was just as Susan has written, a bottomless pit of poverty. We do winge about South Africa because we would love to go back but mentally I could not do it again.. It is our country of birth, the most beautiful country in the world. If the many problems and challenges are not brought to the attention of the outside world, nothing will change and the fraud and corruption will continue forever. The majority of the population in South Africa deserve better and if we can make a difference from outside the country, we will.
Totally understand, Penny! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts :-)
beautifully written, I have never lived abroad but relate completely to what you are saying. I think the trick may be to keep connected to yourself and the emotion that poverty brings but also allowing it to pass through you. I think we are all connected so this should affect us. Agree that some things are just not for us to fix.. but for us to be affected by and to teach us compassion and acceptance in other areas in our lives. … Just saying.
Africa is in my blood! And Africa created what I am today! For that I am truly thankful. But New Zealand is truly a country where every Saffa can feel at home! No bias – just truly my personal experience! :)
So happy when I hear of South Africans settling in well and finding a second home for their souls. Sometimes I wish it could be me because life would be easier in some ways. But I am destined, for whatever reason, to fight the good fight :-) All the best.
So lovely! Thank you!
While I completely respect your viewpoint and admire your courage, I thank God every day that I have been able to leave and take my family and I will never return permanently. I have had two visits back and each time have felt terrified at the ‘out of control’ feel of the country. Good luck and take care.
It’s totally not for everyone, I get that. I love the ‘out of control’ feeling, but we’re all here to experience different things. I wish you all the best, and thanks for commenting!
I love how you’ve put my feelings into words – also a decade overseas, now back for a decade and still saddened at how thick skinned one HAS to be.
Brilliantly said. For the longest time I could not figure why came back her and finally I realized life is an experience to be lived and an awesome on at that.
Hi lovely, this post reminds me of one I wrote a couple of months back. Give it a read.
Kez
http://midlandsmusings.com/2013/06/27/life-is-cheap-in-africa/
You have expressed your feelings in a beautifully balanced way. For some of us, of the older generation, we are saddened by the fact that our children and grandchildren have chosen to live in saner environments. But South Africans are of pioneering stock. It is the adventure, and dare I say it, the danger that attracted our forefathers and ourselves to the beautiful land in the first place. When we get tired of the adventure or of the many physical and emotional dangers, we travel overseas. It helps to restore the balance of the soul.
Tol, you are exactly right. The UK was good to us for many years, but we’re back in SA and have decided to give this wonderful country a chance. We miss our friends and family that have emigrated every day, but it feels right to be back. Love to Anne and the boys!
What an incredible post! Your words made my insides quiver. After 16 years I came home (to Durban) 1.5 years ago and feel too muddled to do the “pen to paper” work needed to sort out my feelings. Perhaps it will take 4 years…………..Thank you for writing!
Beautiful. South Africa will forever be in my heart, which is why all the novels I write are set in this wonderful and misunderstood country. But I find it easier to live in New Zealand.
Thought provoking post, I too lived in Europe for almost a decade before coming ‘home’ and had a similar experience. The poisonwood bible by Barbra kingsolver explores the idea of – is Africa in fact broken… It’s a great read.
Great article so enjoyed reading your observations and thoughts. Miss SA a great deal-extremely complex country but has a vibrancy and joy that is difficult to find in other places despite the many problems it has. Here in Canada life is difficult in other ways-the intense cold weather, the hard work that goes on forever and the lack of enjoyment, that is so much part of life in SA. As an ex SAfrican always long for the country I call home. However must say that my new country has a safety net for those who need it and a health care system that ensures that all its people receive the same benefits -it is a country where the government feels it has a duty towards its citizens unfortunately this is not something that exist in SA.
It can wear you down, all the poverty. And then it can make you feel really alive, all the diversity. All in all, it’s a bizarre little existence on this crazy little continent. It will never truly make sense to anyone.
Very well written piece, and although I may not agree with all of it I do really “get” where you are coming from and what you are trying to say.
The thought coming through at the end is certainly different : “what if there is nothing wrong with it? What if there is nothing to fix?”
The answer to that, I contend, lies in your perception, for every person’s perception dictates their own reality!
I will leave you with another thought: you say that you “lost your hard exterior shell”, a point that many of the above comments have agreed with. What if that is, simply, because away from the craziness which causes people to leave this country that hard protective coating is simply not required?
An analogy would be living in a walled and protected “security village” in Jozi, with alarms, electric fancing, bars on all your windows and doors, and “private security response because the police are unable or unwilling to do their job” …….. when you move overseas you no longer need to live like that, so you lose the electrified fencing, the bars and gates, and the private armed security.
b.t.w. I have lived here all my life, and do not see myself leaving. I have, however, travelled and experienced first hand the feeling of a weight being lifted on landing in a first world country.
Keep up the writing, keep sharing, and work on that hard shell – you will need it!!
However, random acts of kindness DO work, and CAN make a difference ……. you need only to learn to be more selective with regards to the recipients.
Well written article. I’ve lived in California since 1971 but have lived back in Cape Town three different times, once for 8 years. I will always yearn for friends and family but I’ve realized that often the yearning is nostalgia. My last 3 years there 05-08 were wonderful but I realized that I did not want to develop a thick skin again. The division of wealth is painful and irreversible. It was time for me to leave once more.
Welcome to the land of the free! Great post
Your words bring back memories of my arrival in South Africa 10 years ago. After having traveled India before Africa, my view on begging had changed entirely when my Indian friend explained the “profession” of begging to me. I am not saying everybody has a choice and so on, but – and that my mother came up with – on the northern hemisphere you have to prepare in the short summer in order to survive winter. If it is more or less warm the whole year around, you will find food and shelter is not a live changing priority and instead of having to live months ahead, nature allows you to live in the present. That’s is why Africa has a different beat. That is why Africa makes up the lack of education with spiritual power, real emotions. Whilst Europeans can discuss the color of the taxation sticker for the rubbish bag on national TV, Africa has real problems to discuss. But whilst Europeans are in Hyper Clubs with sound systems so expensive they could feed a township for a week, drinking Moët and powder their noses, 30 people can stand around the speaker of a radio alarm clock in Masiphumelele listening to a Quaito song and having real joy, an impromptu party coming from nowhere but out of the joy of being alive. Love Africa for what it is and don’t look for the perfect 90 degree angle – that is not a live defining value.
Thank you for a beautiful and honest rendtiion of your experience and feelings. Many call South Africa a crazy disfunctional country. In fact looking at the world South Africa is far more normal than many of the affluent first world countries whose life style the planet cannot endure in the long run. There are more poor people in the world than rich people. Living in Soith Africa, as I do, with walls and burglar bars is closer to reality than shuttering yourself in a comfortable zone of rich towns and countries behind the invisible walls of affluence shielding you from the reality of billions of people who just have to make do.
I find South Africa vibrant, full of energy, great people and beautiful scenery. And a challenge to make life better for all.
Maybe being Afrikaans helps.
Thank you, Jan. I completely agree! :-)
A very sensitively written, keenly observant piece. I live in Ireland now but go back to South Africa often. I have realised there is no Utopia and each country has its shining moments. Your point about feeling really alive in SA resonates so strongly with me.Thank you
Thank you, Anna!
Love your blog!
Difficult living here but do disagree with one statement ,that being about paying it forward…no matter how small,or where you do it, that act of kindness DOES make a difference to the person it is directed towards.We just need more people to buy into the idea that we each have a minute role in making a difference…then in many years time all of it will matter….
Absolutely, Glenda. I didn’t mean don’t help wherever you can and always be aware of how privileged your life is – I meant help in a more mindful manner. Instead of dishing out R5 coins to people on the street, find and support a charity or organization. Employ people well. Make the Christmas boxes for children in orphanages, and do things like drive around with food for the homeless. But with these small deeds you need to accept where you’re living and that you can’t save everybody. That was the realization I needed to reach.