Angry South African Expats

~ susanhayden

What I’ve come to realise, over the past few weeks, is that there can be no angrier, more unreasonable person on the planet than the South Africa expat who is told that the country has not gone up in flames (yet) and that we actually spend a lot of time camping, hiking, hanging out on the beach and drinking very nice, inexpensive wine on our expansive lawns in the sunshine while somebody else does the ironing. I think it is fair to say that a goaded bull with a punctured testicle being shown 42 red flags simultaneously could not be more enraged than the (ex) South African who sold up, spent all their money on relocating their family to Wellington before the Swart Gevaar put a torch to the entire country only to find that it’s not quite the utopia they imagined and that their life is actually kakker than before.

When I wrote On Moving Back to South Africa I really did it for myself. It was a way of coming to terms with my own feelings, and trying to make sense of this country I choose to call home. Never in my wildest imaginings did I think it would get over 40 000 views in the first few weeks, get posted and re-posted all over the world, appear on the official South African Homecoming Revolution website and that I would get inundated with comments, thoughts and opinions. And while most, by far, have been extremely positive and a few have politely but vehemently disagreed, there is a small contingency who were made so cross by my allegations that South Africa is still a rather nice place to live out ones days I could practically see the spittle flying from their mouths as they did Rumpelstiltskin dances of rage and shouted abuse at me from their couches in Queensland.

And it’s a curious thing, because if you’re really, really happy in your new home abroad and you’re really, really pleased to have left this cesspit of hell, why would you care enough to get so emotional? All that their comments told me (which were, unfortunately, verging on abusive so I had to trash them) is that they feel deeply conflicted about their decision to leave, and that my story of settling well and loving what this country has to offer seriously messes with their heads. And I can understand that – it must be a fuck up of note to have convinced yourself that we were on the verge of apocalypse and that leaving was the only sensible option only to come back in December and find that your friends are doing very nicely in their holiday houses in Onrus, rump steak costs next to nothing and Woolworths dips keep getting better.

I have friends who left for Canada a while back and come back every summer, and their confusion is tangible. Because it’s the same old place it ever was. Even with that mad bastard JZ in power. We still go for picnics on Clifton 4th; hang out on the café strip; drink bubbly and watch the sunset; swim in our pools; have lekker braais. The story they had to tell themselves (and keep telling themselves and everyone who’ll listen) about why they left the country they loved gets a bit frayed at the edges when their buddies invite them over for fresh kreef and the kids have a jol being outdoors all day and half the night and Spur sauce still tastes good on everything. I’m not saying this country doesn’t have serryass problems, but for now it’s the same old place and sheesh, you have a cool life.

And neither am I saying that some people don’t leave South Africa happily and settle well and never look back, but they aren’t the ones writing me cross letters. And I feel for them, I really do. For me, leaving South Africa permanently would break my heart. Maybe their hearts got a bit broken and the only way they know how to deal is by running the country down and calling those of us who still live here – or, god forbid, came back – names. A writer whose name I forget once said in a novel, ‘Africa is not easily forsaken by her children.’ I never forgot those words. For whatever reason, this country gets under your skin. It holds you in its grip, and I see a kind of emotional attachment I haven’t witnessed in any other place.

A journalist friend of mine went to Australia to interview South African expats, and many had had to undergo some kind of therapy in order to come to terms with leaving. You hear of South Africans going down on their bended knees and kissing the tarmac when they get off the plane. I did it myself when we moved back permanently. Maybe it’s because our country has suffered so much, and we have witnessed its turmoil and anguish and then danced in its (rather short-lived) victories. Or maybe it’s something else; an intangible, indefinable quality that inspires this deep love and reverence.

So, I say this to the expats who need to sound off and be haters in order to justify their choices: let us love our country if that is what makes sense to us. We don’t yell at you and accuse you of abandoning ship because you’re living in Maida Vale. We are happy that you have homes in London because now we have somewhere to stay when we go overseas with our tragic Rands. You made a choice to go, like we made a choice to stay. No amount of shouting is going to convince us that we’re deluded. We read the papers; we get it. You don’t have to point out crime stats to us. For better or for worse, we have made peace with our decision, as you are going to have to make peace with yours.

And the thing is this: you talk about not being ‘free’ in South Africa. I lived in Sweden for eight years and as I ventured out, day after day, under a low-hanging grey sky to take my children to school in a gloomy, high-rise building where everybody I encountered seemed chronically depressed, that is when I felt unfree. Where there were so many rules I was afraid to do anything; where the weather was so crap we spent our lives watching TV, and where everybody lives for the end of the year so that they can get the hell out and feel like they’re alive. Now, I feel alive every single day. And it’s freaking awesome. A moment of shameless sentimentality, but I love this so much. And, like old Thabs says, today it feels good to be an African.

554 thoughts on “Angry South African Expats”

  3. Come HOME friend! To the land that grew us and nurtured us and to the people that made us who we are. Come bless this land that hungers for your love to water the roots that you left here. Come bless Him that placed us here, with the only great thing we have – our lives, to give honour and glory back to His creation. Come and be apart of that great, timeless proclamation; ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’, for there is no more or less a complex and multi-dimensional place to do this. “The Lord Bless you and keep you. The Lord make His Face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you Peace”

  4. My folks left SA in 1973 for political/financial reasons, with me being born and raised in Belgium for the first 19 years of my life, followed by a 7 year stint in the UK. I’m now in my 5th year of living in Cape Town – I’ve never looked back – I love it. SA was always in my blood, but I can honestly say I’ve never loved where I live as much as I love it here.There’s something magical about this place. And braais being on tap is very much an added bonus :)

  5. I’ve been writing a blog about the same topic for three years now. It’s called my South Africa and it deals with my somewhat sedate and predictable life in another (falsely) much-maligned place Joburg. While I’m not blind to what I call CCI (Crime, Corruption and Incompetence) my everyday existence is largely untouched by the same… so I’m probably lucky but I also call SA ‘The Land of the Free’ because here you have great freedom to make you own luck.

  6. My folks left SA for Belgium in 1973 for political/professional reasons, with my brother and I being born and raised in Antwerp. I then did 7 years in London, my brother a few years in Amsterdam & Jerusalem. SA was always in our blood though, with Dad bringing back vacuum packed biltong/wors, bags of Jelly Tots, boxes of Pronutro and jars of Pecks Anchovette with every trip back (don’t judge me on the Anchovette lol). My brother has been in SA since 2003, I’m now on my 5th year of being in Cape Town. I can honestly say, I’ve never loved where I live the way I love this place. Having more braais than I can handle certainly sweetens the deal substantially :)

  8. Hi there

    After 4 years living in London I’ve finally convinced my English wife to move over to Cape Town. So we’re going next year. I’m so excited I can’t believe it.

    One thing bothered me about your post. You say it’s on a downward spiral? Do you really believe that? Because I’ve kinda been thinking the opposite. Am I the deluded one?

    Thank you so much for your post.

    1. You know what, since I wrote that I’ve been wondering if I should remove it. My Danish husband who is the economist in the family disagrees vehemently, and I know he would never have invested as much as he has done in this country if he believed that. I’m a bit disillusioned with the way things are being managed by the ANC, and it’s hard to imagine what is going to change in that regard. Unless our next president is made of very different stuff. It feels like not enough is being done, and there is a lot of resting on laurels. As Liberation Governments tend to do. I will amend those words on the basis of how many amazingly positive comments I’ve received to the contrary. It’s probably my fear speaking. Thanks so much for asking your question :-)

  9. Thank you so much for that post, and even more for that amazing clip – I have goosebumps! As a proud South African who lives in Ireland, and only left the country that I love to be with the man that I love, I go over a lot of these things in my head on a daily basis. I have also had many of these conversations with friends at home and abroad, and have concluded, just as you have, that people need to keep telling themselves certain things to justify their choices. I find myself doing it very occasionally when I get those texts that read “We’re all here together, sipping wine on the deck, over looking the beach/bush/berg etc…You’re the only one missing – love you!” I have to counter that in my mind with something like “Well at least my windows have no burglar bars and my bank account is in Euros!!” Jokes aside though, I love South Africa deeply, will always consider it home no matter where I reside, and will defend it to anyone who talks it down no matter what!

  10. At one of my previous jobs, about 13-14 years ago, my boss went for a business trip to the United States. When he came back we had a boardroom meeting to discuss to outcome of his trip and the business deal that was. In closing, he said
    “Guys, be happy and proud to live in South Africa – no matter of your status or financial situations – because HERE it’s truly the Land of the Free. In the USA you are ‘free’ as long as you walk between [drawing with his arms an invisible path] THIS line and THIS line.”

    Regardless to how things will progress in this country, I will always remember those words.

  11. I have been living in Perth for 8 years & lived in the UK for 5 years before…not planned, not planned at all. It was for all for love & still is, not only the love for my husband, but also for our 3 beautiful girls. I mourned for SA for 10 years of my life & literally went through all the stages of the grieving process…denial, realisation, anger… Acceptance. Immigration is not for sissies. And making the choice to go back to SA is neither. Each individual person/ family has it’s own merits for making those decisions. Those unreasonable expats, have their reasons & I thank God that I am not there…I think their anger might spring from a place of being hard done by…they have been betrayed by the country that they once loved. In the worst possible way. And they feel immense emotions of anger, dissapointment, loss… I think key in any situation is to REALLY understand where someone is coming from. Your article is well written & I understand where you are coming from…believe me, I DO. But do you fully understand where these “unreasonable” expats are coming from? Have you had those horrific experiences in SA? Lived in a situation where your qualifications or lack thereof left you & your family in a cloud of uncertainty, I know, I certainly have not. And I thank God for it every day. As much as SA expats whom criticize SA get up my nose, I have to understand that they are tainted for very good reason as “unreasonable” as it may seem to me or you. Cry the beloved country x

    1. I totally agree with your response! It is easy to criticise the expats who ‘traitorously’ leave SA, but many people have not truly experienced the horrific crime in the country. My main reason for leaving is because of this. Although I am now in the UK, I pray everyday for peace & justice in my home country.

    2. I have to agree with you Suikerbossie. It is refreshing to hear that people still love living in SA – a very different angle/opinion to so many terrible stories we hear happening to dear friends, but many people who chose to leave were victims of the most horrid crimes – of their dignity and peace stolen, their souls broken, and I think they have every right to be angry.

  13. Excellent! I feel exactly the same. In June I was in a hotel in Rome having breakfast when someone asked me where I was from, I replied proudly, Cape Town! Then a voice behind me said “hoe gaan dit?”. It turns out to be a South African that left in 94 because SA was going one way. What really made me mad was that he proceeded to tell everyone around us how terrible our country is, even though there I stand, proudly South African and clearly happy! So I would like to ask South Africans abroad: Stop running down our country to justify to yourself and everyone else why you left and am now living far away from your family and friends, stop putting off potential tourists because you are still living with your fears, we are here to rebuild our country and make it work. We respect your decision, please respect the country of your birth.

  14. I’m from Sweden, I love Sweden. But I’ve lived in Durban for 13 years now and that’s where I’ll be staying. I’ve got a serious case of mal d’Afrique and no I don’t think I should leave for my children. I’m staying for them as much as for myself, schools here are still better than there. School uniforms, discipline and sport.

  15. I’ve been living in the UK for 13 years now and have yet to meet a single angry expat which seems rather curious given the title of your blog. Various friends have arrived in the UK with different ambitions on the length of their stays only to see them change based on their personal circumstances and not those in SA. I visit South Africa, home, frequently and I can certainly tell you that I’ve come across numerous South Africans angry AT expats. The responses to this blog illustrate this. All these apocalyptic predictions that South Africans attribute to expats are also unfounded. I am so out of touch with South African politics these days I couldn’t possibly comment on these matters any longer and I think you’ll find that is similar for most expats. My new hobby is whinging about the benefits system in the UK. I’ve read several blogs in the same vein as yours and they have all been written by people based in South Africa. I’ve yet to see one written by an expat slagging off the country. For such prose I will point you in the direction of your local newspaper. What are they trying to justify? What the new South Africa has afforded all South Africans is freedom and this is not something that should be taken for granted. What this has done is allow people to look at their own personal circumstances and make the choices that suite them best and then act on them. For me that meant putting my family’s safety ahead of my own gratifications which included running on Table Mountain and being a member of Clifton Surf. It’s a personal decision not a competitive one and here in lies the rub. South Africans are a competitive and ambitious bunch; traits I’m immensely proud of and I never miss an opportunity to point out how many FTSE100 CEOs are South African. However on the down side we end up tearing each other apart on the should-I-stay-or-should-I-go question continually trying to ‘win’. It’s a bit like arguing about which is the best piece of music. However pointing out all the lovely things you experience in SA, to expats, is patronising and as some respondents have pointed out probably disrespectful to the majority of the SA population that that don’t have it so good. Perhaps expats should be flattered that the pats spend so much time worrying about what they do and don’t think. What do I think? I think SA is a beautiful country with many challenges. I think the same of the UK but for now my grass is here, green or otherwise.

    1. James I am afraid I am going to have to disagree with you on this one, but great fr you if you haven’t heard a moany expat, you have been spared! They are out there I can assure you – just read any SA news website comments section!

    2. James, I’ve been in the UK for 9 years and I have to agree. I would not say I haven’t come across any whinging expats, but they are few and far between. The obsession does seem to be the other way around :)

    3. Hi James,, I am still in Cape Town (no plans to move)

      i have encountered angry expats. I know some. Most are acquaintances. Some are even friends.
      I do get amused when they send me negative articles about an event in SA. They assume I didn’t know.

      I believe that its their defense mechanism that they have to justify their departure.

      I should say that these expats are in the minority. Most are happy in their new lives. Some want to return. And some are just negative.
      The amusing thing is they are a proverbial pain in the a%^e to their new countrymen.

    4. I’m an expat living in the USA with my family for 14 years. We’re happy here. We (at least my wife and I) miss South Africa at times, and of course, our family and old friends (those still remaining – most have left RSA).

      But I’ve never seen or heard any of these spittle inducing expats being discussed either. On the contrary, in my experience most of the anti-RSA feelings I hear expressed are those directed at the government and ruling party, by my own family in RSA!

      Like James, I tend to not follow the daily goings-on in RSA, but I get the latest “news” from family every week, in my calls to the family.

      We love to visit, and try to come over every 2 to 2.5 years or so (due for another visit soon!), but frankly, after a week or so, my kids will quietly come up to either my wife or I and whisper “When are we going home?” – referring to their new home in the USA, of course.

      Perfectly understandable – they don’t remember much of RSA, having left when they were 10 and 7 years old, and all their friends are American, but just as frankly, we also start to itch to get back to our new home.

      So, in summary…I’ve yet to come across such angry expats as mentioned here, and hear much more anger from my family back in the RSA about the state of affairs of the country, and we DO miss RSA at times, and we DO love to come back for short visits, but if you asked any of my family the basic question, regardless of financial or medical or other consequences, whether we would want to return to RSA, our answers would be No. But there’s absolutely no spittle lying here…. :)

    5. Agree with you, James. It’s an interesting debate but, as an expat living in the UK, its a debate I only experience from the other side. Lots of London bashing coming from back home. As you say, its so competitive, when it needn’t be. I love seeing south africans within an international context like London – we shine because we are authentic and direct people who work hard. I’m so incredibly proud of that.

  17. Well said. I unfortunately lost a couple of ‘friends’ as I remained happy in SA and didn’t constantly tell them how I wish I was in NZ with them. I like your attitude. I’m happy in SA and have no plans to leave.

  18. Oh and James. I was in the UK in September and met an alarmingly angry expat who found it frustrating that I did not share her views on SA. But like Disco pants says, it’s not everyone.

  20. I have been living and working outside South Africa since 1994. I miss South Africa and it’s people terribly, but also do enjoy the places I go and the people I meet. Every time I go back to SA I realise that things are not the same any more. The poor are getting poorer and the handful riches are getting richer. The infra-structure is deteriorating in many provinces and there are very few farmers and food producers left

  21. Hi Susan. Got round to your blog through a friend sharing it on Facebook. As an expat I have to agree that “Angry Expats” are very angry people indeed. As long as you realise, which I am sure you do, that there are also simply “expats”. We’re not all angry and wanting SA to fail in order to prove us “right”, assuming of course that’s the reason we left in the first place.

    There is also another type of angry South African though. The “Angry at ALL expats” South African. Those SAFFAS who think every expat is bad-mouthing the country and waiting in the wings for things to go pear-shaped. They also tend to believe that because we left the country to live elsewhere (for any number of reasons) that we don’t still have African blood pumping very strongly through our veins and we no longer have the right to voice an opinion on the country of our birth.

    There are indeed those if us who really (and I mean REALLY) want SA to go to new heights. And those who did not leave SA because of all the bad stuff, but are rather simply operating in a global economy and circumstance has taken them and their family elsewhere.

    It is a great country and I miss plenty of things about it every day. I miss the rest of our family every day. The place I find myself in though is that there are also many things I would miss if I were to move back to South Africa. That is probably a debate for another forum though ;)

    My main point here is really this: South Africans (expats and locals) need to realise that the bad apples amongst us – i.e. most likely those that still wish the days of old were around – sit on both sides of the fence (or the ocean as it were). Therefore instead of profiling according to country of residence, perhaps political affiliations are a fairer indicator of who the angry folks are, home and abroad.

    Nice post and I shall certainly read your blog going forward. Thanks.

    1. Of course – and I did clarify that. Thanks so much for writing. I’ve loved getting comments from the countless South Africans abroad who only have good memories and wonderful things to say about us back home. All the best to you!

  22. After returning to SA recently after 12 years in the UK, I find your blog delightful and so many things you point out spot on! We were never ‘doomsdayers’, we left on an adventure and 12 years later had to ask ourselves if it ever was our intentions to stay away that long. Moving back is not easy, but we have not regretted it for a single day! I know some people who fit the mould of the angry expat, and I still find it amusing when people want you to justify why you came back. Especially locals, and as you say, probably the ones who’s never had the privilege to broaden their horisons. Either way, we love being back every day!

  23. My wife, 2 kids and I left South Africa in 1999 for me to work abroad for a while and to save some money so we could move back. We realized a few years in that we would not be moving back to South Africa any time soon. Like others we have tried a few countries (UK, Singapore, Sweden, USA) and some 14 years on we still miss South Africa. The conclusion drawn is that every country has its faults but none are a beautify as South Africa and it will always be in our hearts and the place we were all born.

    We have given our kids a great life and “shipped” them off to college and young adult life. We still need to decide were we will live out our days and wish it could be South Africa but it will most likely be Italy. Could be worse :-)

    I know of many expats miserable abroad, wishing they could move back “home” but doing nothing about it. All they do is get together every weekend to moan about how bad it is back home compared to when they lived there. The sad fact is that they just need to open their eyes and see the “decline” all around them in whatever country they are living in. There is a reason “old folks” tell “in my day” stories. We instinctively don’t like change but it is a natural part of life. You either make a life for yourself and carve out a little bit of happiness no matter were you live of you spend you life in the “grass is always greener on the other side” limbo. The sad fact is that you don’t need to be an expat to live like this and I tend to avoid folks that live their lives that way like the plague.

    I love travelling and can afford to do it a lot easier with dollars or pounds in my pocket than I could with Rands but that does not make it easier/better just different.

    Life is what you make of it and finding happiness is a difficult persuit regardless of where you live

  24. You are flipping amazing -I love every single blog you churn out – it’s almost as if you take the words right out of my mouth!!

  25. I left SA in 2004, and married a Canadian I met while working abroad.It took some time to adjust and fall in love with my new home.
    I find on the other side of the spectrum…South Africans saying to me “isn’t cold!” “how can you survive in Winter?” I live in bucolic Vancouver Island,we have glorious summers,golden fall and rainy westcoast winter(sometimes snow) A little like Cape Town.
    Even though I am now Canadian,I still feel in my heart South African.My accent is often teased in a nice way and people here seem to enjoy it.
    My family is still in South Africa and I miss them everyday but my life is here and I try to visit as often as possible.
    South Africa is a beautiful country and I am proud to have come from Africa. It is always in your soul and the wildness of Africa is like no other place on earth. That is what I tell people when they ask me.

  26. Hi Susan, and thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree with a few others here that I’ve never met an expat that behaves like those you mention. I guess I might have been lucky, but I’ve lived in the States and Norway for a long while, and travelled extensively, as well as to Australia, the country we love giving a bad rap, and I haven’t met them, even though I’ve met many expats. I am in constant contact with expat friends, and I hear via social media from many, many others, and I’ve never encountered this sentiment you speak of.

    I do believe the people who left have left for a good reason. If there wasn’t a reason they would be here still. It’s that simple. Its not easy to up and go. You know that. And to them, South Africa was not just beaches and warm days and cheap prices and good times. There was more to it. They looked deeper and they lived here knowing there was more to it. The expats I have encountered speak fondly of South Africa, but with deep concern. They might look at it through a periscope, but they read about it, and they watch what is happening and the worrying thing is that they might watch and read and perceive more than many people here do. Many locals I speak to, who earn a decent living and live in the suburbs and are well educated, admit they do not read or watch the news. And that is more frightening than the news itself.

    By being aware of your country, you can take an active part in it. And right now this country needs all the support it can get. It needs people like you, with experience and education, to help it out of the shit. But you’ve got to go beyond just accepting the trouble the place is in, and actively do something about it. Beyond voting and paying your taxes.

    It might be a lekker place that doesn’t seem to have changed, but that’s if you have a fair wage and live in a decent part of the country. The vast majority of people in South Africa are far worse off than they were when you left.

    Perhaps if we can reverse that drain of people, if we can encourage them to stay, or even come back by not pushing them further away and calling them angry and enraged, by not making fun of them for selling up and calling them the most unreasonable people on the planet, then we might be onto something. I believe a lot of those expats have left because of attitudes like this. In fact They might feel happy to stay gone, they might feel justified if they were they to read this.

    1. If you read some of the vitriolic emails I got in response to ‘On Moving Back to South Africa’ I think you would change your mind :-) Thanks for the comment!

  27. I live in Canada having left SA to be with my British husband. I miss my family every day and will admit to wishing for a domestic worker more than once a week. But …. I have a beautiful little girl am as much as the quality of live in SA can be down right idillic it does not negate that it is still rated as the top rape capital in the world and that you have to teach your child about aids at the age of 3 to keep them safe at school. If I was childless I might have bitten the bullet and move back to SA with all the corruption and epic failure of the legal system but every time I look at my child I know that no amount of loving the SA way of life will allow me to expose my child to much real and very high risk of rape and crime. I didn’t leave because I expected te country to go down in flames but I also won’t delude myself to te very real dangers that it does pose. I know some people who are very unhappy living overseas – I just think you are not understanding the reasons why people don’t return. Each to their own – I will always be a South African at heart but will never let my child grow up exposed to crime, rasism and sexism! Al which unfortunately is still running rampant in SA.

  28. We left South Africa in 2008 on an expat assignment to the Middle East. At the time we were very anxious to leave South Africa for our two children. We felt very unsafe in Joburg and we were worried about the economy and the future of the country. BUT we never ran down the country to justify anything. I remembered how, a decade earlier, a friend of mine had emigrated to Oz with the reason that “she didn’t want to be the last person to put the lights out” and I remember how utterly enraged with her I was for years because of that throwaway comment. I know she was saying that because emigration is a huge scary thing and she did need to justify herself. And the funny thing was, in the end, she was the one that was the most homesick and longing for Africa.
    I think the point is that there are losses either way. South Africa has changed, some for better obviously (like the end of apartheid) and some a lot worse with lots of crime, corruption and nepotism. My mourning for the loss of the way of life I would want for my family started long before I left South Africa and when we were given this opportunity to experience a different life, we grabbed it and haven’t looked back. I do miss lots of aspects of South Africa (aside from family and friends) but there is a whole heap that I do not miss. I consider our move an adventure, and it’s not only about leaving SA but about discovering a new world on this side and exploring and growing with it too. People ask me about SA and I am honest with them- I do tell them about the wonderful aspects and I also tell them about the not so wonderful aspects so that they can decide whether they want to visit with open eyes.

    2. You have put my thoughts into words so succinctly. I was so positive about this country and aware of the crime until it hit my immediate friends and family in a dreadful way this year. It started the conversation we always had niggling in the back of our minds but never wanting to talk about as my husband and I consider ourselves South Africans. We have been fortunate to travel the world and nowhere else could compare. We are leaving in a couple of years time, as we don’t feel confident we can offer the safety and security we would like to give our children while they grow up and explore. We are proud that they are South African and will hopefully have the same connection to this wonderful country as we do. We just need to take a time out, have an adventure somewhere else and allow our children the freedom to explore their independence without us hovering over their shoulders – life is getting more difficult as it is without adding the crime element to it too! We are not ready to call ourselves something else – being a kiwi, aussie or American doesn’t gel with us – so we are going on an lengthy sabbatical of an undetermined length of time and we look forward to coming back home!

  29. I was the angry expat, until I went back last year for the first time in 9 years. Things were beter than I expected and it was good to see that people basically just got on with their lives.

  30. Thank you Susan and Thabo Mbeki for making, and ruining, my day. For the second time we find ourselves living away from our beloved South Africa. We long for the day we back in our home wedged between Trappieskop and Clovelly corner because we are African. Canada,BC

  32. I enjoyed your piece as I am an African and will always call Cape Town home. My self imposed exile is for financial gain, travel and to hide from a mid-life crisis! I have heard ex-pats making well founded realistic negative comments about SA when talking “en famille” yet when in non-SA company they are equally positive. It is not a betrayal to leave SA and neither is it a type of failure to return.
    I will return and I will resume my place amongst my people. In the meantime I will enjoy living in Malta and attempting to explain why being an African is a journey into the light not into the darkness.

  33. Hi Susan, awesome article! BUT I really think you *should* remove that ‘downward spiral’ bit. Yes there’s a lot of Government incompetence, but signs are – as far as I view it – definitely positive and on the up and up!

    I’ve lived in foreign countries for 12 years of my life (including the USA, UK and Australia) and I have occasion to travel internationally pretty often, and every time I come back I can’t believe how much better MOST things are here than just about anywhere abroad – and increasingly so. I mean – look at what JUST happened in the USA (was there couple weeks back)? And Europe is still battling and doing some crazy stuff, from the UK to Italy to Greece etc. Oi! Of course we have a road to travel, but I think there’s a very likely chance our people will travel it well. As I observe it, there’s still an amazing sense of community and care from most people here.

    Let’s hope for better government soon – but even there, look at positive trends like Agang!, the DA’s increased support etc. We have so much to be optimistic about, and I just couldn’t imagine living anywhere but this unbelievable country.

    Thank you for a great blog!

    1. Love this comment, Xander – so true. And have amended that sentence :-) thanks so much for taking the time to remind us all of these truisms x

  34. You know, I live in Onrus, and I dive kreef in summer,and collect wild mushrooms in autumn. I also know very well that it’s not so lekker for everyone in South Africa, that millions of South Africans have not yet got the education and the income that they should have. A long road is still ahead. But why would I leave? My leaving will not fix anything. Being here, I can help to improve things.

  35. An Academic friend and I were living, unhappily, in London. Once, to encourage ourselves that the decision to stay in the UK was good, he looked up the crime stats of where we were in London versus home.

    We were very pleased to discover we were in the safest borough of London with the lowest crime rate. All going well. Then we looked up a random suburb in Cape Town for comparison, and were totally surprised to discover it was half the ‘safe’ rate.

    Both of us then chose to move home. If even the positives of being overseas seemed to be incorrect, what was the point? Though it may not be the same for others I can say for both of us that
    (a) we BOTH earn far more than we did in London.
    (b) we’re BOTH far happier.
    (c) we both find ourselves safer than when we were there.
    (d) Our qualities of life are incomparably higher.

    I know that may not be the same for everyone, but to be blunt, it IS true for almost all my friends. I regret the years I lived away, and am so happy to be back!

    2. Really glad for you if you are happier in Cape Town, but ‘crime’ stats of any kind in SA are inaccurate as the police cover these things up every year. Had a family member who was murdered and the police lost all the paperwork! At least there is justice in the UK.

      1. I disagree Freddie. My academic friend in question is a Criminologist by qualification (qualified at Uni of Oxford when in the UK, amongst other top international and SA varsities- 5 degrees in total leading up to his Doctorate) so he is very au fait with the process and logic behind compiling such stats.

        He pointed out then, as now, that VIOLENT Crime Stats are highly reliable based, NOT principally on police reports (which – as in your story – are often unreliable, including in Europe, USA etc). Rather, the accuracy is based on insurance claims, life policy claims, medical bills etc etc. Without a death certificate, an estate cannot be resolved, for instance. Petty theft is trickier, but serious crime is highly accurately recorded by not only Stats-SA, but many economic / NGO / Foreign Govermental bodies with a vested interest in such accuracy. I’m entirely confident in the Stats, and comparing what’s happened to me in the years back here, vs the years there, they certainly apply to me personally.

        Saying this, cold facts don’t take away from personal facts. I’m so sorry for your loss and the police incompetence that followed. I’m sure that made things even worse and that’s terrible for all of you who had to go through such personal pain. I hope you’ve found peace since.

  36. In order to justify the decision to leave expats esp those in Oz devalue SA & delude themselves that Oz full of ferrals & bogans is utopia. I’ve recently had a most shocking burglary in Melbourne when my life history of jewellery from my grandmothers & all else was stolen by a professional criminal who smashed into our house. As a doctor working in the public service I’ ve been called a bloody fu*kn c*nt on a daily basis by the unspeakably shocking drug crazed dole abusing masses who make those living in SA’s squatter camps look like aristocracy. I ‘ m going back one day when I can retire in comfort living off my very hard earned OZ dollars. Oz is very economy class where the vast majority live in soulless existence with teenage girls cutting themselves & boys emasculated & needing to abuse drugs & drive like hoons. The young have no sense of future in the land where the tall poppy syndrome cuts off yr head!

    1. I lived in Germany for 4 years, Switzerland for 9 and nowI live in Oz too. I have to say I agree with you. What get’s me too is the ‘nanny state’ mentality and the cost of living (in Perth) is extremely high. I was in Cape Town last week and it dawned on me, I am a South African, Cape Town is home and I will never be an Ozzie. I have approx. 13 working years left then I am going back to Cape Town to retire. I would go back earlier but unfortunately there is no work for me in Cape Town.

  37. ps: I don’t get the downward spiral line though? We spiral up sometimes, down sometimes, but generally up more up

  39. Yet another phenomenal article by you! I can totally relate – no matter where I go on holiday for a few weeks I always LOVE coming back to my home, South Africa… Love this place!

  40. Good blog and glad you got to the point of each of us making the choice, as I choose to braai in my back yard in Melbourne, experiment with biltong recipies and tell my son stories of me growing up on a farm in Nelspruit. Its also my choice to give him a free choice in what he wants to become without fear of being limited by the colour of his skin and pay for choices my great grandfather’s generation made. Yes I miss many of SA’s wonders but don’t agree with you that it has not changed sinced we left 10 years ago, because it has and my son’s dream of going back to Africa one day to do the same things as dad are long gone. So in reverse, to all the Saffa’s back home that wrote of years of friendship, family relations that ignore us, all because the “blame” us for “abandoning” the country, to all the ex-pat haters in the motherland, I chose for my family to live free in a new country just like our European forefathers did when they became the persecuted.

  41. South Africa is great if you have the money to live the comfy lifestyle you describe in this post… A lot of people that used to be able to afford it no longer can, but for expats or foreigners with overseas money, it’s great!

  42. I have lived out of South Africa for 12 years and to be honest I have not met any ex pats like you mention, maybe they have just not crossed my path. I do miss SA, my family and friends and day dream of days gone by, but I know and have come to terms that I will never return. My home is now the UK, it’s were I met my husband, had my son, where my job is, home is and were I make my life. We all have to make a choice in life and if that choice is to move to another country, stay in SA or move back the choice is your own at the end of the day and we should not have to answer to anyone why we have made the choice. The UK is lovely and there are many hidden places that are stunning – and people need to remember the UK is not London – just like South Africa is not Cape Town. We go hiking, visit the beach, tour the moors, drink wine by the river banks, sit around log fires on a cold winters night, watch sports, have fun days and yes we can also get people to do our ironing, but I would rather do my own no matter where I lived and we do get blue skies and sunshine – Ok maybe not as many days as in South Africa but hey we do know what the sun looks like.

    What does make me upset and cross are the people in SA who have moved back that have to go on and on about how great things are, how warm it is, what you are missing out on etc and then slam the country that they came from that has given them, maybe another passport, the lovely house and life style they are having now in SA. I also get cross with the South African’s that are currently in the UK that moan about the UK, moan about the weather, moan about the people, moan about the transport, but are willing to earn the pound, wait for the passport, get the free health etc and then run back to SA once they have the passport and then sit around a braai in sunny SA and bad mouth the country that has just given them a new passport, the option to travel with out a visa and a life style that only some people can dream about. If you don’t like being in the UK then what are you doing here, get on the tube, get out at Heathrow and get on the plane, and yes I have told a few South Africans this.

    I love telling English work mates about South Africa, encourage non South Africans to visit, see the country and explain the terminology we use. I do like to visit, catch up with friends and family, have some seafood from Ocean Basket and a Mugg & Bean muffin, but I am also happy to get on the plane and get back to my life in the UK and when I do feel homesick I just turn on KFM and maybe visit the Spur, Nando’s, Steers or the SA shop (we have so many now).

    As I say best of luck to those that return if you are happy, then I am glad for you, (and I have many friends that have returned) enjoy being home, make the most of it, but don’t judge all us ex pats as many of us are happy with the choice we have made. we have not all run away and we don’t all bad mouth the country of our birth.

  43. A very well written article, like many of the above respondents, I have never met one of these angry expats…however I do believe they are out there……again, as many of the the above note, I have more often spoken to friends living in South Africa who wish they had made “the move” when we did. We moved to Australia in the most fortunate of circumstances, on an employment contract, and when the two years of the contract were up, we made a conscious decision to stay…that was nearly 30 years ago….I cannot say we never looked back, far from it, but we have had a very happy life here, and decided not to live with regrets, but rather to embrace our new country. We visit South Africa as often as we can, we highly recommend it to our friends, and have brought Australian friends on holiday with us….naturally they just loved it, and couldn’t believe that we had left!!!
    Val Odden

  44. I meet the “bitter and twisteds” on a regular basis can you believe it there are a bunch who still go into the bush here in Oz to celebrate “geloftedag”. I chose to move to the rural areas as there are less of them, thank God! Miss the wors and the castle, otherwise see you on the hols!

  45. I left RSA 29 years ago because I meet a Canadian man and he needed to return to home and I was scared of what RSA was to become.
    I have never stopped loving RSA and have felt empty ever since I left. Believe me, the home sickness which took me 5 long terrible years does go away or is stuffed down so you can function in your “new” country, but as the saying goes there is “no place like home”. It doesn’t matter how old you get or for how long you have been away, “home” is where you were brought up, where you went to school, where you had your first kiss, where the good food is (and the milk taste different in RSA because of what the cows eat), where big experiences happen every day. Where important things are happening, where your opinion matters because you can relate to people and they know that you are part of them and part of the tribe, where you belong and no-one can take that away from you no matter what, no one has the right to take away your right to belong there purely because you were born on that soil in Africa no matter what colour. Africa has claimed you, not the other way around.

  46. What a great article and so very true. I immigrated to Miami. Yes. The grass is greener omdat dit fol kak is. I miss SA as it was my home for so many years. The people are genuine, giving and real. I miss that the most. I cannot stand people who have left and run it down. They took what they could financially and that’s what helped them relocate. But it is anger of there awakening that makes them bitter. So sad.

  47. Eish – so much of this content in the main article and comments ring true and touch home. I wish we would stop being so aggressive about wether we stay or go. I think all of our own decisions have been made for our own reasons and there is no right or wrong. I just wish us South Africans would stick together all the time and not only when we are in despair or away from home. Its a bad culture trait of ours that I don’t admire, it always takes a huge event for us to share love amongst each other, its never seems natural, but in the end I am an optimistic person and about home too – always, no matter where my gorgeous family and I are living in the world. Home will always be home. Love you SA – always.

  48. This is what I think – there are those who leave and regret it.
    There are those who stay and regret it.
    This is what I say, God bless all and the choices they make.
    I think Disco Pants & a Mountain sounds too much like he’s trying to justify his decisions. Bit like those wankers of the past who talked about chicken runs and when-we’s.
    My home is South Africa.
    My home is the United States.
    I love both dearly and don’t need to justify any choice to anyone.

    1. Well said Charlene!! I to consider South Africa my home as well as Australia, I love this country where I have lived for the past 10 years and I am very proud to call myself a South African Aussie!!!

    2. Good for you, Charlene! You tell ’em. Don’t quite understand your ‘chicken runs’ reference, but FYI the Disco Pants ‘wanker’ you refer to is a she.

      1. “Chicken runs” are what people call the expats who leave SA cos they are too chicken to stay …

  49. I’m enjoying the debate. Been away 15 years now. Left with a very sore heart. Healing came being away, but the scar reminds me daily of where my roots are. Perhaps I’ll be back one day. We all have our story. It’s personal. There is no right or wrong, just stories. I listen to theirs and one day, perhaps they will listen to mine, but we can not judge. We can not know what it feels like to be in their skin. That’s the beauty of being African. It tattoos our souls and we are never the same, never free, always longing….it makes me feel blessed and cursed at the same time. God Bless South Africa….I hope I’ll find peace, I hope we all will. Keep writing. It is cathartic and will bring you to peace too.

  50. Great article, Susan. Being a very-happy-not-angry-ex-pat, I must say there is another type of ex-pat equally as irritating as those described in the article. That is the ex-pat who is still soooo in love with SA, who calls it “home” despite being away for years, who continues to use SA colloquialisms despite the fact that the locals don’t understand them, who ostracize them self by ONLY hanging out with other ex-pats who feel and talk the same way as they do, who goes “home” once a year … but does not have the courage to actually return to SA permanently. And usually, these are the same ex-pats who drive around with the new SA flag on their BMWs and Mercedes even though they left long before SA was liberated. Worst of all, they don’t return permanently because they are usually the racist ex-pats who don’t want to live under a SA democracy. These ex-pats make me want to puke as much as those who are angry and unreasonable – although I avoid both groups like the plague :-)

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