What I’ve come to realise, over the past few weeks, is that there can be no angrier, more unreasonable person on the planet than the South Africa expat who is told that the country has not gone up in flames (yet) and that we actually spend a lot of time camping, hiking, hanging out on the beach and drinking very nice, inexpensive wine on our expansive lawns in the sunshine while somebody else does the ironing. I think it is fair to say that a goaded bull with a punctured testicle being shown 42 red flags simultaneously could not be more enraged than the (ex) South African who sold up, spent all their money on relocating their family to Wellington before the Swart Gevaar put a torch to the entire country only to find that it’s not quite the utopia they imagined and that their life is actually kakker than before.
When I wrote On Moving Back to South Africa I really did it for myself. It was a way of coming to terms with my own feelings, and trying to make sense of this country I choose to call home. Never in my wildest imaginings did I think it would get over 40 000 views in the first few weeks, get posted and re-posted all over the world, appear on the official South African Homecoming Revolution website and that I would get inundated with comments, thoughts and opinions. And while most, by far, have been extremely positive and a few have politely but vehemently disagreed, there is a small contingency who were made so cross by my allegations that South Africa is still a rather nice place to live out ones days I could practically see the spittle flying from their mouths as they did Rumpelstiltskin dances of rage and shouted abuse at me from their couches in Queensland.
And it’s a curious thing, because if you’re really, really happy in your new home abroad and you’re really, really pleased to have left this cesspit of hell, why would you care enough to get so emotional? All that their comments told me (which were, unfortunately, verging on abusive so I had to trash them) is that they feel deeply conflicted about their decision to leave, and that my story of settling well and loving what this country has to offer seriously messes with their heads. And I can understand that – it must be a fuck up of note to have convinced yourself that we were on the verge of apocalypse and that leaving was the only sensible option only to come back in December and find that your friends are doing very nicely in their holiday houses in Onrus, rump steak costs next to nothing and Woolworths dips keep getting better.
I have friends who left for Canada a while back and come back every summer, and their confusion is tangible. Because it’s the same old place it ever was. Even with that mad bastard JZ in power. We still go for picnics on Clifton 4th; hang out on the café strip; drink bubbly and watch the sunset; swim in our pools; have lekker braais. The story they had to tell themselves (and keep telling themselves and everyone who’ll listen) about why they left the country they loved gets a bit frayed at the edges when their buddies invite them over for fresh kreef and the kids have a jol being outdoors all day and half the night and Spur sauce still tastes good on everything. I’m not saying this country doesn’t have serryass problems, but for now it’s the same old place and sheesh, you have a cool life.
And neither am I saying that some people don’t leave South Africa happily and settle well and never look back, but they aren’t the ones writing me cross letters. And I feel for them, I really do. For me, leaving South Africa permanently would break my heart. Maybe their hearts got a bit broken and the only way they know how to deal is by running the country down and calling those of us who still live here – or, god forbid, came back – names. A writer whose name I forget once said in a novel, ‘Africa is not easily forsaken by her children.’ I never forgot those words. For whatever reason, this country gets under your skin. It holds you in its grip, and I see a kind of emotional attachment I haven’t witnessed in any other place.
A journalist friend of mine went to Australia to interview South African expats, and many had had to undergo some kind of therapy in order to come to terms with leaving. You hear of South Africans going down on their bended knees and kissing the tarmac when they get off the plane. I did it myself when we moved back permanently. Maybe it’s because our country has suffered so much, and we have witnessed its turmoil and anguish and then danced in its (rather short-lived) victories. Or maybe it’s something else; an intangible, indefinable quality that inspires this deep love and reverence.
So, I say this to the expats who need to sound off and be haters in order to justify their choices: let us love our country if that is what makes sense to us. We don’t yell at you and accuse you of abandoning ship because you’re living in Maida Vale. We are happy that you have homes in London because now we have somewhere to stay when we go overseas with our tragic Rands. You made a choice to go, like we made a choice to stay. No amount of shouting is going to convince us that we’re deluded. We read the papers; we get it. You don’t have to point out crime stats to us. For better or for worse, we have made peace with our decision, as you are going to have to make peace with yours.
And the thing is this: you talk about not being ‘free’ in South Africa. I lived in Sweden for eight years and as I ventured out, day after day, under a low-hanging grey sky to take my children to school in a gloomy, high-rise building where everybody I encountered seemed chronically depressed, that is when I felt unfree. Where there were so many rules I was afraid to do anything; where the weather was so crap we spent our lives watching TV, and where everybody lives for the end of the year so that they can get the hell out and feel like they’re alive. Now, I feel alive every single day. And it’s freaking awesome. A moment of shameless sentimentality, but I love this so much. And, like old Thabs says, today it feels good to be an African.
The Disco Pants Blog 
I migrated with my family to Melbourne Australia 13 years ago, for adventure and for a better life, I was in SA a fortnight ago to celebrate my 50th birthday and had a time of my life. I miss the people at home, I suppose I will come back one day to give back to Africa, I love my new home Melbourne Australia. The doom and gloomers are not far from the truth, I love SA, the truth is the truth, as long as the ANC stay in power, SA is going no where fast into the future, that is my honest opinion, the haves have more, and the have not’s even less. That’s is the reality I witnessed.
What a great piece – I am an expat but miss SA almost daily – it truly is a special place!
I agree that the haves have more, and the have not’s even less. Sa is a wonderful beautiful place to live – no where in the world do you have such luxury. Space, beauty and service. I didn’t “leave SA” just went traveling and ended up living in Switzerland, which is amazingly beautiful. But the reason I don’t go back to live in SA is that it such an “unfair” society. I’m not judging people who live there, and I would sometimes give anything for a maid, but I appreciate I live in a place where there is reasonable pay hierarchy. Even though it is in general a very rich place, I feel proud that I only have a cleaner 4 hours a week and I pay her hourly rate that affords her a really decent life, not far off from my own. Very wealthy people here don’t see it below themselves to clean up, and labour is paid well. SA is a wonderful country, but to live there you have to handle that disparity, and I haven’t been able to get my head around that.
I married a South African after visiting for the Rugby World Cup. Like the final, our marriage went into extra time leaving me with a result not to my liking. That said, I was left with a relationship with a country and it’s people that changed my life. “Africa gets under your skin” is a saying I heard in 1995 and for fifteen years afterwards. A truer saying I have yet to hear. Sadly, all these years later I am now divorced but I never divorced my former wife’s wonderful family, friends and country. South Africa is a remarkable place and if you are never blessed with children it is unlikely you will ever leave. For those that do, there remains a conflict both emotional and financial. For many, this is partially resolved through denigrating the situation they left behind. For me, there is no right answer. The US and Australia culturally invest fortunes in creating the myth that they live in the greatest country in the world. This is bullshit. The greatest country in the world doesn’t exist. The best anyone can hope for is great circumstance. Someone who loves you. A comfortable home. A secure job. These attributes can be found as easily in Vancouver, California, London or Sydney. That said, the biggest most difficult hurdle for South Africans to overcome is cultural. The country you have grown up in no longer exists. But then that is also true for white people of the entire western world. For whites the sudden and shocking realization that the world we knew is no longer white and our elevated position is no longer guaranteed. This truth is magnified when you decide to relocate overseas on the rand. Equally, I have British friends who have immigrated to Cape Town, and now enjoy a life unthinkable in London. There is no right answer. And in a modern world it is more than likely your children will live in a different country to the one they grew up in. Regardless of race or creed. But certainly not education. Embrace the now. Love where you live for the reasons you live there. This is not a competition. There is no right answer. The world has changed. It has diversified and is richer for it. South Africa has attributes to match any other country on this planet. The only other country in my experience that comes close is my own. We share a similar culture embracing braais, sport and a love of the great outdoors. It remains a excellent second option for South Africans desperate for a new life. That said, it is far from perfect. It has an inferior climate, cricket team and you will have to do your own ironing. But then you do get to support the All Blacks. Which you probably won’t…but your children ultimately will. Difficult decision isn’t it?
Give that man a beer! Such a good attitude
Great response Justin. I also think not everyone emigrates because of the terrifying images created by the Boeremag back in the 90’s of the “Nag van die lang swart mes” (Night of the long black knife). My two siblings live in Canada and Australia because that’s where their partners reside. It’s more feasible that we. They visit quite often and to be honest they enjoy the rump with spur sauce just as much if not more as they don’t have to deal with our corrupt government during the rest of the year. This article is great but for the majority of SA who doesn’t get to walk down to Clifton with a Woolies dip, SA is a sad reality of poverty and crime. We should’nt try and get back at the ‘expats’, we should get our country together and make them jealous without even trying to.
Love you in the world, Andrew Fyfe. Yes, give that man a beer indeed!
Firstly, I am 100% South African. I’m not sure of the exact quote but it goes a little something like this : none are so blind as those who will not see……Let me explain. I am angry. Not because I left – I didn’t, and not because I didn’t leave – i could have, but i am angry because for anyone who cares to pull their head out of the sand and actually look around them the South Africa we, and by we I include myself, love and cherish for all the right reasons displayed in this exceptionally one sided argument is slowly but surely being lost to us. I am angry because if we truly loved our homeland as much as we all say we do we would stop finding justifications and rationalisations for the real issues, which if left unsolved will destroy the South Africa we know and talk about so fondly. I suspect many expats feel the same way. Now before I get cyber necklaced by the angry mob of yeah-sayers let me say this : I am not racist, I am an entrepreneur who has created a modest 60 or so direct jobs and sold a few small companies which are still operating successfully today. I pay my taxes, enjoy the sunshine and love the freedom we have. I would vote for any party or individual I believed was competent and doing the best they could with the resources at their disposal. But what really makes me angry is the air brushed fairytale picture so many who want to stay and make South Africa work paint for themselves. Look around you. Read the news. Speak to people who live and work in all corners of South Africa, day in and day out to make a living and South Africa a better place. See the current trends in legislation, understand these laws and what they mean. Speak to people who live in squatter camps. South Africa today is infinitely better than it was before 1994 and it is for this reason we should stop painting rosy pictures and acknowledge the real problems so we can start finding a way to fix them.If you truly love South Africa and want this to be your and your future family home fight for it now and not when all the things you stayed for are gone. I hate to draw parallels but will do so for a simple reason – to dispel a myth: how many of the approximately 2.2M Zimbabweans who will starve for food every day this year will revel in the sunshine and majestic natural beauty that is their country? Zimbabwe is just as beautiful and just as free. Somehow I think starvation (and this is an extreme point indeed) trumps this. So when we say “but the lifestyle is so great” or “we have to have trade offs” or ” if you think South Africa is bad you should see what its like in – Nacuragua, Khazakstan, Eritrea” or “but the weather in Europe is terrible” all we are doing is finding excuses for what is wrong at home and justifying why it is okay. And dear fellow South Africans, it is for this reason that I am angry. Because if you truly did love your home you would stop with the bullshit justifications and stop glossing over the real problems and fight for what you love before it is gone. I LOVE South Africa, enough to fight for the country I know it can be…..Do you??
Well said!
I feel for you all and I agree wholeheartedly with you. Unfortunately I couldn’t put up with the bullshit and I had to abandon the fight. Home is now Sydney and I am settled, relaxed and not at all angry anymore.
hear hear!
Thank you!!
Well said.
Thank you for a wonderful article! We have so much to be thankful for, and the truth is: ”home is where your heart is”. To Andrew Fyfe – thank you for your truth and reality
A great read first thing in the morning. I lived in England for 8 years and can honestly say, moving back to South Africa was the best decision I have ever made. Proud to be African!
Hey I’m not South African and after living an most of Europe, South America and the USA, I choose Cpt! Best life style, most beautiful city evah and in case anyone thinks it dangerous, just google most dangerous cities in the world SA’s cities a re not there?
http://zeenews.india.com/slideshow/world-s-most-dangerous-cities-top-10_49.html oh yeah? what google you use dipshit???
No name-calling or disrespect on this site, please.
That article is not at all Accurate buddy. It states that Cape Town is more dangerous than Joburg or Pretoria for that matter. Which is complete and utter nonsense. Google too much maybe? ;)
I am a man of more years than I care to admit, born her in Durban, lived and grew up in Zim, returned here just prior to midlife years and worked and travelled in many African countries. After a divorce decided to emigrate to US and be with my two daughters and grandchildren, and committed to making it work. I don’t believe in ‘what if’! Do it or don’t, but be happy with your decision is my creed. After two years in a beautiful part of US and enjoying my family, I knew I could not live there permanently. I missed my home South Africa too much and the way of life here. I am now back home and ‘as happy as Larry’ with my decision. The quality of life here is fantastic and is my way of life. As to crime – a shopping mall I used to frequent was the scene of a crazy man shooting people for no apparent reason other than he was not happy with his life! Wherever you may go there is crime, there is no perfect world this side of paradise! There is also no vibe in the world as there is in Africa – it is a vibrant continent bursting with the energy of life!
Ohhhhh! My brother, whoever you are, I could kiss you! I feel as if you have been a fly on the wall while I have muttered these very words in and out of the country dozens of times. You hit so many nails on the head. Thank you for expressing my exact feelings – jou lekker ding. Eish!
I am a sister, but I say, jou lekker ding right back atcha! Thanks so much for the comment :-)
I’m a very happy Kiwi! I’ve been back to SA three times, a wedding, a 90th birthday and to show my partner where I was born and why I’m so strange, he now gets it all! SA is no longer the place I grew up. This is neither good nor bad it is now a different place. My family have changed, subtly to be able to carry on living with sporadic power cuts, rampant inflation and occasional countrywide strikes. They are happy, I think? I know faced with the same situation I would not be. So I left. My homeland was not stolen from me. It was never mine to begin with. The shift in the balance of power was inevitable and much of the backlash, too was inevitable. I voted enthusiastically in the 1994 elections with the hope of a new, fair and balanced South Africa, and watched with growing sadness the ‘have’s’ fight with desperation to hold on to their fantastic lifestyles while the ‘have not’s’ grew more and more insistent of their rights, without a thought to the responsibilities which come along hand in hand.
I come from South Africa, I was born, raised and educated there but now my home in New Zealand.
Hear hear!
South Africa is the land of milk and honey. The cows kicks us, the bees stings us, but the milk is creamier and the honey is sweeter
This the second AWESOME post I’ve read by you. Keep it coming. Makes me feel good.
Great article – on the money. I packed up, sold up and went to Australia and also fell into the trap of dissing the Republic. With hindsight, [20/20 vision] – as I am back in South Africa, you leave the only country and culture you know and LOVE and you are angry and SCARED and totally out of your comfort zone. You have zero network. You think Australia, sport, sunshine and braai and hey presto this is the lifestyle but it is so not. My words of advice:
If you go to Australia try and understand THEIR culture and how THEY run things, it will go a long way to getting settled and give yourself at least 5-7 years to settle and if you have to, go for counselling as you’ve just been through a very messy divorce. Anyone who has emigrated and says it was easy is lying. Try and work through the loss and anger.
I asked a friend of mine in Australia why he was wearing an Australian Rugby jersey, the answer he gave me was so right. He said I’ve made the choice to live in Australia, my kids are now Australian and I’m not coming back – he was at peace with his choice and had clearly settled in.
I say this with RESPECT to Australia and Australians as it is a beautiful country with beautiful people and a great culture and everything works! – get to understand it and the people, if that is your choice. They did after all stamp your passport to live in THEIR country.
– but it’s not Africa, don’t diss us we love it here!
Well said Andy. I don’t judge anyone’s decision, but after 13 years I wear the Aussie jumper with pride. I write proudly on all forms that I am Australian, and in between my charmed life in Sydney I think fondly of my past in South Africa many years ago.
My mom was almost hijacked outside a friend’s house last week. That doesn’t feel particularly free to me.
That said, there is no place like Africa. It is one of the most special places on earth. I remember reading a Peter Godwin book which resonated with me because he said that perhaps in Africa, we live and love more vividly because life is infused with constant tension. He says, ‘In Africa, you do not view death from the auditorium of life as a spectator but from the edge of the stage, waiting only for your cue. You feel perishable, temporary, transient. You feel mortal.’
All I know is that the grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass is greenest where you choose to water it.
My mom was hijacked too. Right outside her house. She showed her attacker how little money she had and how old and worthless her cell phone is. Then she ordered him to sit down next to her and crapped on him for picking on defenceless old ladies. Gotta love the chutzpah.
Love that.
Absolutely spot on article. I have been living abroad for 7 years, and although I do not regret my decision to do so, there is not a day that goes by that I dont miss South Africa. I am trying desperately to get back, because that is where my heart and soul is. I meet other SA expacts, and always find it very interesting how much some of them feel the need to justify why they have left the country, by trying to run it down, and painting a picture of doom and gloom to everybody that is willing to listen. All I can say is, I dont regret my decision to move abroad. It has given me a wealth of experience, but “home” will always be South Africa, and to me, it is still the greatest country on earth, and the place I want to give back to and see grow and prosper.
Sorry, but why would you move to cold, gloomy Europe?
Im a born and bred African (although white) my roots are in Botswana and South Africa. Zambia has gotta be heaven on earth and Tanzania and Zanzibar are just heaven encapsulated. There is crime and poverty and cruelty, but it seems that it just outlines and emphasises the good points of these places. I thought that I was totally addicted to Africa and that I would never be able to leave.
Last year my son started the process of immigrating to theUK, it has been a very stressful, drawn out and soul destroying process. I have a grandson that is a British national, who I have a purely cyber relationship with :-(. We spent Christmas last year in Bath, to meet our new grandson. I fell so in love with the UK, it spoke to the whole of my soul and I felt like I had spent my life walking those historical and rain soaked cobble roads. I felt like I belonged and I fitted into the energy of it, even though we were there in mid winter when its cold, wet and dark most of the time. I enjoyed being able to walk in the streets without looking over my shoulder, I enjoyed being able to walk cos everything is close together, I enjoyed going into shops and getting service, real service, not the shoddy excuse we have in SA, I enjoyed that ppl were held accountable, I loved not having to avoid looking at newspaper headlines, incase I had to see the man we call president making his name (and by association our country) a laughing stock of the world – yet again, or reading about the carnage on our roads during the festive season, or of the horrifying rhino poaching stats. Not having to see the cruelty that is part of the wildness that is africa, it gave my senses a bit of time to regroup and breath. I belonged like I had never belonged before. A place where my race would not be held against me, where my children could apply for a job on the strength of their abilities and experience, and not be sidelined because of race, I had fought for racial equality in the 80’s and now my children are the victims of racial inequality – so ironic!
My husband, whom I love dearly, will never leave Africa, his soul would sicken and die, under the heavy grey of the European skies. So here in the wild and dramatic mountains of Africa I stay and fight the battle of ignorance and cruelty so absent mindlessly dished out to the innocent (read animals and environment) and those too voiceless to be able to defend themselves.
Africa is not for the feint hearted, and especially those of us that have been in Gauteng (I am lucky to have been able to escape gangster paradise and be able to live in the wild mountains of the eastern cape), we are all traumatised. We have lived in a war zone and have the hundred yard stare, our children grew up believing mindless violence is a way of life, that rage and hysteria is normal daily fare. Id leave if I could, but my SA passport doesnt open too many doors and our rand doesnt really give us the funds needed to start all over again.
I will always love Africa, it is incredibly unique and has a very strange pull, but for the sake of my sanity if I could move to Europe tomorrow, I would pack up hubby, remaining children and various furbabies and would board that plane without a second though. But life isnt always easy or straight forward. SA is my home and here I stay ….. but only because I dont really have a choice
Beautifully articulated Sandra, so sorry for you.
Sandra, I hear you! I too am in your position and you have put it so clearly! Where I am lucky is that I have managed to convince my husband to give living overseas a try for a few years – we are calling it a sabbatical! Our place of choice is Singapore. I am hoping once we get there he will enjoy the adventure and we can move on from there. So I have 4 more years of enduring….
I’m a British expat and i’ve been in Africa since 1994. I won’t go back to the rat-race, too many people on a little island, no space and bad weather. SA has it’s problems, so does every other country.
Enjoyed your article, you are an amazing writer, could be why your previous article which I haven’t read but would like to got so much exposure. I think if you wrote something on the weather it would be interesting !!!
Ha ha, thanks, Roy! :-)
I am a white bushman living in Europe…well ….someone has to experience this.
I LOVED this blog (?) And I am an ex pat. My husband and I made the choice to stay in the U.K. and I’m good with that. But you are right: Africa does get under your skin and regardless of how comfortable we are here in Surrey, I will ALWAYS miss home and South Africa will ALWAYS be home. I’ve met some of the ex pats you write about and they are like rabid dogs, right? You think they come down hard on those of you who go back? Spare a thought for those of us who try explain to these psychotic beasts that we can be happy here and still love home! Heaven forbid! So please enjoy some sunshine for us around the Christmas table on the beach and I’ll enjoy a fire place in a comfy pub in the snow – then maybe next year we can swap :-)
After leaving SA, 17 months ago, my family and I have settled into permanent jobs in the UK and are living a lifestyle we would never had afforded in South Africa. Anger, disappointment and yes a broken heart were some of the emotions felt when we were forced to leave…. my husband lost his job in IT and couldn’t find another because he was not “black enough” – recruitment agency. Having had 6 burglaries in a year – most of which we were present at the time, was enough to force us to find a refuge else where. We are extremely happy where we are and love the people, seasons, and great opportunities for us and our children. I used to wish that we were in a position to stay, like so many of my friends, but now I think I’m the lucky one.
My husband and I love South Africa, the whole culture that surrounds it. But unfortunately, job opportunities are very limited. What I get paid in South Africa is shocking compared to overseas.
I will never bad mouth my country. But we have to go. To make a better lives (even if it is just financially) for ourselves and our children…
I agree with you to an extent. However, you represent a priveleged minority who can afford to gate and guard themselves, walk down to Clifton and splash out on Woolies dips. For an overwhelming majority of have-nots, living in SA is actually quite shit (but if you turn a blind eye to all that as per your previous blog post, everything will be OK).
Shitter, I think, than even you know. Read ‘A Day in the Life of A South African Maid,’ and she has it relatively okay – she has a job and her own home. And you’re not understanding my message.
The real problem is most of us have a good life and are spending too much time enjoying that great lifestyle. Working, braaing, watching sport being at the beach etc. etc. Until we become civic minded and start to volunteer and form civic non profit groups to make the change we all know is needed nothing will change. Business needs to contribute to those organizations and stop bowing to the ANC to stay on their good side. Let us strive for a true democracy where officials are voted into power and not vote for a party that then entrenches itself by rewarding followers with gravy train positions even if not capable.
Absofuckinglutely.
We’ll put Peter. I never bad mouth South Africans, those who leave or those who stay. We all make our choices. But one thing they could learn, those in SA and the expats, is volunteering and helping one another when things get tough. Aussies give generously, not only money, but their time. Young and old all volunteer for some organisation somewhere. It is ingrained from a very young age.
I have never met a nation quite so generous as the Aussies… Worth looking beyond the media and those just ‘traveling for a good time’. A fabulous nation I’m proud to call home… As a true South African.
I kiss the tarmac too. Great article. This is just a generic human being problem, really. People judge everyone, everywhere all over the world, every day, for their choices. For me, the best part about living away from home, is visiting. Everyone has their own personal reason(s) for staying & leaving, each person needs to be at peace with that choice. If they’re not, obviously they’ll find a way to justify it. I dont know any angry expats in London, but I do know angry south africans who bash London. Which I find funny and sad at the same time. It’s the same thing, just the other way around. i love both my homes. Go forth and make peace with your life choices, humans!
Oooh I’m getting totally addicted to your blog!! It feels like you’re reading my mind! Can’t even begin to express (unlike you and your talent with words) how much I loved this one – its the stuff we’ve been saying for years. Awesome x
Wow, thanks so much, Bridget. What an awesome comment. You made me smile :-) x
Bon dia from Barcelona
I don’t think we should badmouth or judge people for leaving or staying. People have their personal reasons who are we to judge. We should just get on with it enjoy and make the most our own lives. Wherever you are.
It’s so true in so many ways, we really live a spectacular life in this beautiful country. But the price we pay is a never ending sense of unease, the kind that gets triggered by reading about how a 17 year old girl was raped and disembowelled by her boyfriend with his bare hands, or how a woman in her 80’s was gang raped and then made to watch as her husband was murdered by pouring hot oil down his throat. Stories like that are never far away on this viciously violent continent.
The way I see it is simply that the yin and yang are further apart in this country than in others. You get the beauty and the amazing people but you are also exposed to horror stories (and hopefully just stories) that are beyond human comprehension. That is the reason why South Africans seem so alive and awake, because doziness doesn’t pay off around here.
I love South Africa, especially Cape Town. My parents, sister, aunts and cousins all live there. I still own a flat there. I still have an RA with Sanlam. My heart is there and sometimes I feel like a pot plant in London, even though I love it here. It really isn’t as gloomy as everyone makes out, but then that depends on where you stay in London – I can tell you that living on Manenberg flats is a lot gloomier than living in Bloubergstrand in Cape Town.
The reason I can’t go back, yet? It’s simple. If I were a single adult or married without children, I probably would have been home long ago, and settled back into some form of entrepreneurial pursuit to make money. But my twin boys were born in the UK 2 and half years and it all changed. Forget about whatever we read about crime in SA, or who’s friends were held at gunpoint when they arrived home late at night. That’s not my concern. My concern is the B-B BEE, Employment Equity and AA policies the South African government continue to enforce on the society. It’s all very well owning your own business and taking weekend breaks in Tittiesbaai with the kids, but what future is there really for them out there, when their dreams of, dare I say it, becoming an airline pilot with SAA, are dashed because they don’t have the correct skin colour? The problem I have is that at this point, my boys won’t have choices in the job market. What if they aren’t the entrepreneurial type? I’ve read about South African universities and how the selection processes based on race work here too. It’s all very worrying and until the South African government can come clean on exactly how long they plan to employ racial quota policies in the workplace and in higher education, I can’t in my heart return for good. I dare not raise these concerns I have with my mates back home who have children, because they’re making it work. I’m sure they’re happy leaving their weather-proofing businesses to their sons. For those without children in SA, they must be the happiest people on the planet.
Excellent article full of truth. We spent 3 years in the UK, and thereafter 3 years down under, but returned to African shores now nearly 3 years ago, and have not regretted it for a minute. Yes, now and then the doubts arise, especially with the build up to the next election, the corruption and the unemployment. We are however happy, and realise the privilege we have of being able to live here in SA and being able to try and give back to our country in some way, as well as enjoy the fruits and the people of this stunning place. And yes, we aren’t even in Cape Town, where all returnees seem to settle – the rest of our country ain’t bad either:P
Awesome piece, we emigrated to the UK and after 8 years, the first 5 where ‘OK’ with the odd hop here and there back home for a short break, but the last three where hell as we started missing home more and more. We repatriated mid 2012 and haven’t looked back. Our kids are free to play in sunshine parks, warm and welcoming community spirit is abundent. Sure we miss the public transport system, sure we miss a proper Haloween experience every year ( tommorrow being Haloween and we the only family decorating our house on the block ). We are happiest we have ever been, but only because we had to look at what we where missing when we didn’t have it anymore, I love SA, but I only realised it when I wasn’t here anymore!!!
Thank you for this inspiration!
Been fighting the demons
4 years in UK attempting to adapt to the mundane, suffering SAD due to lack of sunshine, missing the can do attitude,
the natural spectacular beauty and mostly missing ‘like minded friends’
The harsh realisation ‘ actually l left my soul’ !
Hi Lesley, yes SAD (lack of son) is a problem when moving to rainy countries like the UK.
However, in South Africa, there are many people who were not sad (in this case ‘sad’ is the opposite of ‘happy’) until they were affected by one or more of the new evils which are popping their heads out in this country.
Depending on the evil impacting the person in South Africa, they may even give up the will to live. Think here of parents whose 16 year old daughter was found half naked, raped and murdered on their bed. The husband took the bed, put it in the road and burnt it there. Yes, it could also happen in the UK. But the chances of it happening there are as high as winning the lottery – very small. The chances of it happening here in SA is as high as getting a flat tyre – much higher.
So…if the SAD problem in the UK becomes too bad then consider moving elsewhere with more sun – but I would NOT recommend SA.
Thankyou for your insight and I think all if us that lived there in my case almost 40 years, will always hold it dear regardless of their circumstances for exiting. Mine was not an easy passage and one induced by the vunerability of being a woman alone. Sentimentality and memories are part of life and I feel blessed and fortunate to have a passport to aid my Journey, returning almost yearly for a lekker jol with dear friends who are more like family.
For my next adventure Italy for a reconnaissance ‘La Dolce Vita’ !!!
Awesome article and well put. “This land is our land this land is your land” go the lyrics of a song
Lovely article! I am living in Paris France for almost 5 years now – married a French guy and jumped at the opportunity to move to ‘greener’ shores.
However, even living in the heart of Paris (arguably one of the most beautiful cities in the world), I long for the culture, vibrance and sunny skies of SA.
My husband and I get to travel back to SA once a year and spend a month lazying on the beach, enjoying braais, biltong and some lekker bunny chow. In fact he too has fallen in love with SA and we’ll shortly be relocating to sunny Durban!
I edit a travel blog about my adventures around the world, but I find its my articles that showcase the Mzani love, that get the best stats: http://thewolfwilltravel.com/2013/10/23/visitsa/
and http://thewolfwilltravel.com/2013/08/09/lovesa/
Keep us the fabulous writing! I’m a very happy new follower!
Love sa, will never leave on a wim.
I like your blog but….
Oj! Stop badmouthing Sweden! It’s an awesome part of the planet. Living here rocks. It’s a pity you didn’t get into it.
Also, I hope you see the irony about complaining about a country you have left in a post berating people for complaining about a country they have left.
“There’s no such thing a bad weather – only bad clothes.”
Wasn’t complaining about Sweden, I was illustrating the fact that freedom means different things to different people, and that life is not perfect in other parts of the world as many South Africans like to claim. And yes, there is such a thing as bad weather, lol! Thanks for your comment. I promise to write something nice about Sweden soon. I love it and miss it and it will always be a second home to me.
What a stunning piece. Thank you.
I am currently living in London with my husband and plan to return to our sunny shores in two years. My excitement is already growing. South Africa is home – always has been, always will be. I do not think any of us will deny that crime is a problem, but I am willing to put up with that in order to breath the fresh air, feel the sun on my back, walk in the veld and see the blue of the sky.
Thabo’s ‘I am an African’ speech is just goose-bump beautiful. I may be white, but I am as much an African as anyone else (and proud of it). The click of the Xhosa tongue makes my lips and heart smile; the smell of fynbos puts me at peace; and the humility that most Saffa’s possess puts the Western world to shame.
Uxolo
I enjoyed reading your article. I found it interesting because as someone who consciously left Africa in 1998 for the first time (I was born in Malawi, grew up in Rhodesia, educated in Natal, completed my national service in the SADF, married and had children in SA. trained as a teacher in SA, moved to Botswana and then at the age of 38 emigrated to Scotland) I have never been back. I am glad you are so committed to your country. SA needs people like you .
I, however, would see returning as a retrogressive step.. Living on the bones of my arse on a teachers wage,returning to burglar guards,on windows, high security walls and private home security companies, racists black and white, violent armed crime, the EFF and Malema, hi -jackings, no trespass signs, parking lots with dodgy car guards, constant vigilance about who is lurking at robots , in the hydrangeas by the front gate, is our rottweiller more of a deterrent than your boerbull, having a “maid” clean up after me – all these things are not an option I just don’t think about all that these days. No thank you …I prefer a normal world now. My teenage daughters were able to travel to neighbouring eurpean county to a rock concert in perfect safety.I can walk over the Scottish mountains and camp where I please. I can visit a range of countries with minimal visa requirements. I do not live in a “gated community” designed to buffer me from reality. No matter what you say about your wonderful lifestyle you know you are living in a bubble – a bubble created by your race, and your wealth – and bubbles burst.
I felt that my eyes were truly opened once I left Africa – how insular, ignorant and arrogant I was until then – believing we had the worlds share of freedom, great weather, wine, wilderness etc
(have people who beat that drum never lived in France?)
In my humble opinion people that have returned to SA claiming that “Africa is under their skin” are bluffing themselves:They cannot handle being out of their comfort zone thats all. They are the “Light Duties” of the diaspora. They wouldn’t even be South African if their immigrant ancestors had done the same and returned home in 1652 or 1820!.Emigrating takes balls after all -no body said it was going to be easy.
Funny how people from the poorest parts of Africa are trying desperately to get to Europe.They will be succeeding where many rich white South Africans fail as they will be prepared to adapt and assimilate their new country’s culture for the sake of their children their prosperity and their future
An angry expat … no,no,no you have it wrong ..just grateful for being able to climb out of the trap and excited about the new places and opportunities on offer in the big, wide world. I have met many SA expats who feel the same.
Good luck South Africa… but please don’t believe you have the world’s share of Dolce Vita and everyone north of you is envious…..that is just not true. It is also not true to say that all SA emigrants are wishing the country implodes many live dual citizenship lives and have a deep affection for the home country.
Really? have you experienced France? Italy?Europe is a rat race we have it good
With respect my bru, you do sound like an angry expat.
I’ve been living in London for 4 years now. I’ve married an English woman.
I never lived behind no barbed wire or electric fences in Jo’burg (even being from a middle/upper class white family) and we were fine. We did get housebroken once, and I have been hijacked in my car.
However, in London I’ve been robbed, I’ve had my life threatened by some dude on a bus even though I was just sitting quietly waiting to get home, I’ve had so much of my shit stolen it isn’t a joke anymore, and I’m just tired of it.
As far as I’m concerned I felt safer in Jo’burg. That said, I know there’s a lot of kak going on, so moving back I think Cape Town’s the place to go, with wife and daughter in tow. If all goes according to plan, next year.
Hey, nothing wrong with living anywhere in the rest of the world. God – the whole world is amazing, beautiful countries. I can’t think of a place I’d rather live that SA though.
Here’s a thought: if the UK is full of bar brawlers, violent gangs and warmongers and all that kak is taking place in a country that doesn’t suffer from the same degree of poverty SA does, what does that say about the inborn culture – what violent tendencies run through their blood.
Africans, on the other hand, naturally, didn’t colonise, didn’t enslave, didn’t start religion or anything. They pretty much just got on with it. Til the whites came and fucked everything up.
Therefore, if poverty went away, crime would go away (in theory – obviously it’s deeper than that).
Would it be too far fetched to say that once all that kak’s gone, SA will be an absolute paradise? Literally, the best place in the world? Because it appears to me that violence is controllable in SA, because it’s only a function of crime.
Just a thought. A hunch.
I couldn’t have said it better myself Bruce!!!
You’re using FRANCE as a comparison for wilderness? I’m sorry- I like the place, but that’s ridiculous. As a Naturalist, if there’s no thriving, complex ecosystem, I CANNOT call it wilderness. And on that score there’s NO Wilderness left in Western Europe (the Quaternary Extinction event saw to that Millenia ago, and that’s been reinforced by environmentally irresponsible behavior for many centuries since). There’s a reason NOWHERE in Europe is a (/n originally rigorous) biodiversity hotspot.
The Scottish highlands? Don’t be daft. You can walk the Cederberg, Outeniquas or majority of the ‘Berg (etc etc) without seeing ANYONE for days on end and in total safety.
French and Italian wine is often good- but in my experience it seldom is really good unless you’re paying €50 or sometimes over €500 a bottle. The typical cheap table wines are ‘ok’, but really not ‘fine’ if you get my drift. I can get a bottle of wine that’s been rated best in the world – including against California, France or Italy- for €15 in South Africa (many of the best nit for export), plus most of the top foreign wines are readily available for me in SA anyway.
My family lived in Europe for many years, and never again. I find it stultifying, slow and inefficient as a typical person going about my day to day business. If I had to, I may be able to manage moving back to the USA again (California’s pretty nice), as it has the same New World efficiency and Protestant work ethic I value as an expat in South Africa. But that being said, the QEE decimated 99% of North America too- so options really are limited for me choosing what I see as a fulfilling life.
Emma I defer to your obvious expertise as a “naturalist” as to the true definition of Wilderness. I as humble professional Safari guide with Botswana’s department of Wildlife and national parks, as a boy who grew up in the Zambezi valley have probably got it wrong. I would never regard the South Africa’s fenced reserves,canned hunting farms and skottle braai equipped campsites of Kruger as man managed-Heaven forbid!: however wild places of great beauty and value (as in vibrant thriving ecosystems) ARE found all over North America, and Eurasia – I question your experience of Europe if you think France or Scotland for example have no wilderness. Have you never climbed the Cuillens on Skye, hiked the forests of Eastern Poland, mushed through the mountains of Norway,canoed the rivers of Sweden or walked through the garrigue of the Languedoc? I think not.
With respect to you too,Umfowethu – you sound like a reasonable guy..I hope that the problems SA has due to poverty etc do get sorted and I do agree that it could and should end up being a great place to live.
I wouldn’t regard my self as angry Grant.In fact I live and work in South Korea now and I am so chuffed and amazed by all the experiences I have had since leaving Africa. I just get needled as much as the next guy by South Africans abroad who run the country down . What irritates me more though are those South Africans who tried to immigrate, failed and then return dissing the country that accepted them with warmth and tolerance. Blaming the weather is stuuuupid!!!! SA does not have a premium on good weather!I also get irritated by the tone of some of the rich, middle-class (probably white ) people on this blog as they discuss their “expansive lawns, champagne on the beach” and THEIR maids – what a sheltered, unrealistic and narrow view on lifestyle. Have you ever cringed in overseas company when Saffas, say at a party, start talking like this – they do themselves no favours. Many SA expats have taken great strain as they assimilate into their new countries and many do so with great aplomb and are a credit to their upbringing.The ones that wine about the weather and having to clean up for themselves do not.
So far no one has run SA down. We all have our opinions, but not one single person has said its a crap place.
What disappoints me about South Africa is the middle class who don’t really do much about those who have ghastly public transport, terrible school conditions and no opportunities for tertiary education. I prefer living in a country where most people have opportunities and good social benefits. It makes me feel ashamed in South Africa where people thrive in gated communities while others live in shacks. The level of the gini coefficient is shameful in SA and most people with a good lifestyle just ignore the disparity and enjoy themselves. It makes me very uncomfortable
Everywhere in the world is great, it’s simply what you have grown accustomed to, but most importantly it’s how you look at life. If you a stressed out whitie measuring and comparing everything and haven’t learnt from our black brothers, to also live for today then guess what, you always going to be unhappy regardless of where you live.
The Bhutanese method of measuring a countries success not by GDP but rather by GNH is something that will give a more realistic measure of where is a great place to live.
Wishing you happiness wherever you choose to live. :-)
I have worked in Ireland and upon my return I just realized how wonderful the sound of our taxis were.I felt sick to my stomach that I could not identify with the fact that people over there are not acustomed to a natural greet.Horses and cows with overcoats and good lord only green grass …I just had to get home.The place was never goinig to be my home …home is where the stranger smiles!
Great article….I think! But you are taking a group of people and generalizing quite a bit in my opinion. You are bashing on the ones who left, making it sound as if they are running around denouncing SA. This was your experience wherever you moved to overseas, now suddenly all that left have this attitude ?? Maybe your expat friends where a bunch of losers, who knows?
I left because I had a blood s mattered shirt from a botched robbery where someone died…..now in a sane world that is enough to hightail it out of there without question.
A number of responses to this article are really cool, and I mean from both angles. One coined a name for you and the others in SA who feel the “other” side is negative…..”Yeahsayers”
Your article is good, but honestly , it sounds like you are a bit peeved and this is your outlet for your situation, and is creating divide , as you can read in the responses. Read Andrew Fyfes response and take a note from him !
Sorry if it sounds like I am having a go at you, but us who left will always have a say, and in my not so humble (at times) opinion, as much as the world rallied against apartheid which is what ultimately brought that regime to and end, is what should be happening now both in and outside of SA. Instead of making a world of extreme crime, corruption, poverty etc acceptable….stand up like you did against apartheid and fight to rid SA of these cancers , whatever it takes, do it ASAP , because when a tragedy happens it happens with no warning and is brutally harsh with no rewind button…..as many of the naysayers you talk about will tell you from their newly adopted countries, that some love and others hate.
You’ve hit the nail on the head Stephen. Having that blood stained shirt in your inventory (physical / mental / whatever) has provided you with a wake up call which someone without that item has not got.
If they don’t get an equivalent piece of inventory, they will remain (or should) positive. If they do receive such an item for their inventory, chances are they won’t be so positive. However, some people remain positive in times of adversity.
These are the main groups of people who remain in South Africa:
1. Those who want to leave but can’t and are then impacted by the evils in SA. Those in turn become two main sub-groups:
a.Those who go into depression and find it difficult to cope
b.Those who are able to carry the burden.
2. Those who want to leave, can, and are glad to have done so.
3. Those who want to leave, can and are sorry to have done so. Those deserve sympathy.
4. Those who don’t want to leave, can’t, are not affected by the evils and are happy they didn’t leave. They are the lucky / blessed ones.
5. Those who don’t want to leave, can, but decide not to, are not affected by the evils and are happy they didn’t leave. We envy them.
6. Those who don’t want to leave, can’t, are affected by the evils and and become bitter and depressed that they could not leave. Many South Africans (Europeans) fall into that category
7. Those who don’t want to leave, can, but decide not to, are are affected by the evils and regret that they didn’t leave. How many people have sympathy for them?
And here some people are stuck in a group (forever?) while other move between groups (sometimes slowly, other times rapidly).
Ask yourself: Which group do you think you are in? Do you think you will still be in that group tomorrow? There are more questions than answers…Who sang that song?
Those who don’t want to but decide to do so once they have that bad experience.
Thanks Otto, you make me feel like I should write my own blog like Susan and get famous :)
When we left SA due to terrible circumstances, I left with the thought I would get over it and return. 14 years later and having sold our dream, self built over the years retirement home on the Breede river, I have no desire anymore. I live between the Bahamas and the USA. I captain a yacht for a wealthy man in retirement, my wife and I, and a young SA,,are crew and he lives Onboard with his wife for 7 months of the year. We work 7 days a week for 6 weeks and have 1 week off. That’s an average of 105 hrs per week. We are the “garden worker and maid”
We know hard work, but are compensated generously and treated very well although we definetly have our place in the pecking order.
When I came here 14 years ago the SA, Kiwi, and Aus workers dominated this huge industry. The SA’s were without a doubt held most highly in regard to work ethic etc. lately this has done a 180 degree turn around. This is due in part to a SA’s having to travel between countries with a SA passport being a hassle to,have Onboard. But largely due to the fact that the young SA (99.9% white) coming here are merely trying to find work with zero experience in the field which stands against them. And foremost is the attitude….I employ a lot of SA’s both full time and part time, and I get begged by friends who have kids that need to go work, to,help them out here. The young SA kid today is really lazy, so are a lot of other nationalities, but the good name we had is now a bad name and in my opinion it comes from a lawless society where discipline is way down the scale.
Sorry for the ramble, but long story short, why is it that huge amounts of young SA’s are leaving the country, in their droves, and there is not a bone of racialism amongst them, just confusion that it is so hard for them in their own country ?
My best friends from school are all wealthy and reside in Gauteng. Each and everyone has a huge house, with secure walls inside a walled estate, with electric fencing and private security, kids go to private schools, they all pay for the servants kids to go to school etc. this conversation has been banned because we would not be friends if we pursued our opinions with each other.
Why is it that in Africa, not only SA, that the rich find so much comfort in amongst the squalor they live in. Why is it that if you pay your maids school fees you feel vindicated to be on the side of the poor?
Anyway, I live here now, maybe NZ in 2 years time….but my biggest thing is that I do NOT fear for my life – EVER!
It’s funny how the judgment sits so strongly with South African’s who don’t leave. The world is a small place, why judge those who leave? Why judge those who stay? Each to their own. You have to love South African anger and how articles like this thrive on playing on our emotions. Hey, I’m hooked. Here’s my comment! … With love from a South African… Living in Victoria. Cheers to life!
I don’t want to leave. I love Durban and there’s no waves in the UK, but I spose I can go snowboarding instead(second prize). However when my really good qualifications are not recognised because of my skin colour, and as a 42 year old pale male I am over looked in favour of a 23 year old black female then Im afraid my time is up here and its time to move. Id stay at the drop of a hat, but sadly I cant.
AMEN! I love this place and am so fortunate to be able to call it my home. I lived abroad for 6 years and always planned on moving back because it’s home and is in my blood. Yes, it is far from perfect, but have faith, don’t accept things that are wrong, acknowledge the things that are being worked on/changed and become part of the positive change!
My husband and I moved to the UK with our young children for what was supposed to be 5 years, but came back after just 8 months. What I learned was that we all make decisions based on our own personal circumstances. For us, it was much better to come home to SA. The schooling we can give our children (my oldest son attends Bellavista in Jozi – which is the Rolls Royce of remedial schools) is much better her in SA than what we could access in Surrey. Yes – we pay for it privately – but we can. Our own personal circumstance. I could not work in the UK (the cost of childcare and commuting negated any income I could make) – but I have my own business in SA. My entire family as well as my husband’s family are ALL in SA – in Joburg – which is rare. Again – our own personal circumstances. It wasn’t easy going and it wasn’t easy coming back to SA. I don’t regret our decision at all. None of us knows what the future holds – we make the best decisions for ourselves and our families – with the knowledge and experiences we, as individuals have. There is no wrong or right – it is personal choice. Thank you for a great read.
I’ve only just discovered this blog and think it’s great – honest, articulate and very-written. I also feel like you are probably my kind of peeps which is always good too ;-)
But I have to say that this post doesn’t ring true to me really … I am sure that those raging people you talk about must exist. And I feel for them because they are obviously conflicted and feel this desperate need to justify their own decisions etc and that is hard. But my real life experience is really much the opposite, i.e. I, as someone who now lives in the UK, deal with a lot of flak and aggro from those who chose to stay whereas I spend more time tiptoe-ing around them throwing up my hands saying “dunno, madness” when anyone asks me why I don’t come home … This despite there being very good reasons for my decision which I (and probably they too) absolutely do know. Which is not to say that I don’t miss South Africa madly and that I understand the pull you speak of and why you chose to go back. That said, when all the factors were weighed up and the votes counted, I ended up making a different choice. No rights or wrongs here, just different – and both deserve to be treated with respect.
When one of my best friends moved back to SA, we assured each other that we would be able to carry on being open and honest with each other re our respective experiences and she “would tell me how it really was” etc but the sad truth was that we couldn’t. Whereas before we could talk about the issues that worried us about SA, now those made her defensive: she had made her choice and now needed to justify it. Admitting to any downsides felt like weakness to her and she wasn’t prepared to do it. I don’t feel the same way about my choices (or the downsides which I am very happy to discuss at lenght!) and am very comfortable knowing that there are pro’s and con’s about all of life’s Big Decisions and that we are all way better off just respecting each others’ different paths.
WELL SAID!!! :D
i have relocated to Sydney about 3 years back due to my husband getting a new job…i have since come back to South Africa…the stay lasted 8 months…as much as I tried to fit in and adjust, my heart longed for home…I met some amazing friends whom I will never forget and learnt some valuable lessons…
But I am so very glad I came back home. I am so much happier…when I was abroad, I found myself missing things like Pronutro and tinfish, even Pick N Pay, Spur cheddamelt steak….and most of all I missed my family….
I feel that it starts with the our thinking, education, perseverance and hard work…nothing ever comes easy…we all have to adopt the attitude of working for what we want to achieve in life…
It starts with every individual changing their thinking and working together, helping and reaching…nobody said Life was easy…we all have a greater purpose in life and once we find that, we will start to settle in…
I am happy to walk into our groceries stores and find such variety on clean, neatly packed shelves, clean restuarants with good service and delicious plates of food…
South Africa’s culture is so diverse and beautiful, awesome weather, beautiful cities….beautiful people….
Home is where the heart is….proudly South African…just my thoughts
You gave up Michelle. noone said the first 5 years would be easy. But the next ten years for me have been a dream. Sydney is a lifestyle dream, but you have first got to work at fitting in and work at catching up in the finance department. Then you will be ahead in leaps and bounds as we are.
I agree SA used to be a great place. Too much is messed up ,I have 4 cousins that are teachers and school system is a mess. Friends have been mugged ,robbed, stabbed in the arm, teenage daughter raped…….Friends have said dont move back at 50 yrs old white male you wont get a job unless start own company. Dont tell me cause you live behind 3m walls with dogs and a gun that everything is ok. Not the way to live, being overseas for 14 yrs has opened my eyes. My kids are living in New Zealand lovely country. I have been travelling. I miss SA but would never move back permanently.