Angry South African Expats

~ susanhayden

What I’ve come to realise, over the past few weeks, is that there can be no angrier, more unreasonable person on the planet than the South Africa expat who is told that the country has not gone up in flames (yet) and that we actually spend a lot of time camping, hiking, hanging out on the beach and drinking very nice, inexpensive wine on our expansive lawns in the sunshine while somebody else does the ironing. I think it is fair to say that a goaded bull with a punctured testicle being shown 42 red flags simultaneously could not be more enraged than the (ex) South African who sold up, spent all their money on relocating their family to Wellington before the Swart Gevaar put a torch to the entire country only to find that it’s not quite the utopia they imagined and that their life is actually kakker than before.

When I wrote On Moving Back to South Africa I really did it for myself. It was a way of coming to terms with my own feelings, and trying to make sense of this country I choose to call home. Never in my wildest imaginings did I think it would get over 40 000 views in the first few weeks, get posted and re-posted all over the world, appear on the official South African Homecoming Revolution website and that I would get inundated with comments, thoughts and opinions. And while most, by far, have been extremely positive and a few have politely but vehemently disagreed, there is a small contingency who were made so cross by my allegations that South Africa is still a rather nice place to live out ones days I could practically see the spittle flying from their mouths as they did Rumpelstiltskin dances of rage and shouted abuse at me from their couches in Queensland.

And it’s a curious thing, because if you’re really, really happy in your new home abroad and you’re really, really pleased to have left this cesspit of hell, why would you care enough to get so emotional? All that their comments told me (which were, unfortunately, verging on abusive so I had to trash them) is that they feel deeply conflicted about their decision to leave, and that my story of settling well and loving what this country has to offer seriously messes with their heads. And I can understand that – it must be a fuck up of note to have convinced yourself that we were on the verge of apocalypse and that leaving was the only sensible option only to come back in December and find that your friends are doing very nicely in their holiday houses in Onrus, rump steak costs next to nothing and Woolworths dips keep getting better.

I have friends who left for Canada a while back and come back every summer, and their confusion is tangible. Because it’s the same old place it ever was. Even with that mad bastard JZ in power. We still go for picnics on Clifton 4th; hang out on the café strip; drink bubbly and watch the sunset; swim in our pools; have lekker braais. The story they had to tell themselves (and keep telling themselves and everyone who’ll listen) about why they left the country they loved gets a bit frayed at the edges when their buddies invite them over for fresh kreef and the kids have a jol being outdoors all day and half the night and Spur sauce still tastes good on everything. I’m not saying this country doesn’t have serryass problems, but for now it’s the same old place and sheesh, you have a cool life.

And neither am I saying that some people don’t leave South Africa happily and settle well and never look back, but they aren’t the ones writing me cross letters. And I feel for them, I really do. For me, leaving South Africa permanently would break my heart. Maybe their hearts got a bit broken and the only way they know how to deal is by running the country down and calling those of us who still live here – or, god forbid, came back – names. A writer whose name I forget once said in a novel, ‘Africa is not easily forsaken by her children.’ I never forgot those words. For whatever reason, this country gets under your skin. It holds you in its grip, and I see a kind of emotional attachment I haven’t witnessed in any other place.

A journalist friend of mine went to Australia to interview South African expats, and many had had to undergo some kind of therapy in order to come to terms with leaving. You hear of South Africans going down on their bended knees and kissing the tarmac when they get off the plane. I did it myself when we moved back permanently. Maybe it’s because our country has suffered so much, and we have witnessed its turmoil and anguish and then danced in its (rather short-lived) victories. Or maybe it’s something else; an intangible, indefinable quality that inspires this deep love and reverence.

So, I say this to the expats who need to sound off and be haters in order to justify their choices: let us love our country if that is what makes sense to us. We don’t yell at you and accuse you of abandoning ship because you’re living in Maida Vale. We are happy that you have homes in London because now we have somewhere to stay when we go overseas with our tragic Rands. You made a choice to go, like we made a choice to stay. No amount of shouting is going to convince us that we’re deluded. We read the papers; we get it. You don’t have to point out crime stats to us. For better or for worse, we have made peace with our decision, as you are going to have to make peace with yours.

And the thing is this: you talk about not being ‘free’ in South Africa. I lived in Sweden for eight years and as I ventured out, day after day, under a low-hanging grey sky to take my children to school in a gloomy, high-rise building where everybody I encountered seemed chronically depressed, that is when I felt unfree. Where there were so many rules I was afraid to do anything; where the weather was so crap we spent our lives watching TV, and where everybody lives for the end of the year so that they can get the hell out and feel like they’re alive. Now, I feel alive every single day. And it’s freaking awesome. A moment of shameless sentimentality, but I love this so much. And, like old Thabs says, today it feels good to be an African.

554 thoughts on “Angry South African Expats”

  1. I completely resonate with your sentiments Susan. Now that you have some attention can you please ask the Companies & Intellectual Property Commission & the Department of Home Affairs in Pretoria & to please answer their phone or at least answer their emails?

  2. I am not an African, I’M A SOUTH AFRICAN!!!!! Staying in Qatar for the past 5 years, still do have our property in Gordon’s Bay, going HOME 3times a year to the land of milk and honey!!! Qatar is HOUSE, SOUTH AFRICA IS HOME!!!!!! We shall retire in SOUTH AFRICA…That is where our hearts, roots, family and blood is!!!! I AM A TRUE SOUTH AFRICAN AND PROUD TO SAY…….SOUTH AFRICA IS MY HOMELAND!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU SOUTH AFRICA!!!!!!!!

  3. What an eye opener. Wish I can meet you personally. This letter is just awesomely honest. Jissie you have made it so clear.
    Love you

  4. I am an American, who lived in lovely SA for almost 20 years…..I had to leave due to an abusive ex-husband, with my two children, who were born there. It nearly broke our hearts to leave and now I have re-connected with a new love who happens to live in S.A. ….the love is growing and I know I will be coming back to the mamma land to live again, in the next few years. I, for one, could not be happier- over the moon- giddy in my seat type happiness!!!! SA rocks- check out my blog- where I wax lyrical (sometimes over massive crocodile tears) about how much Africa and SA in particular are most certainly under my skin. thanks for this- made my day. L. Schappe-Youens (lschappeyouens.blogspot.com) x

  8. I am a Londoner who married a South African. I made my home here, in Durban, 36 years ago.
    My home, circa 1903, have a view, through palms tress and bougainvillea, of the rugby and footie stadium and the sea. IN the past two years have been burgled five times, car stolen (earlier this year), a burglar tried to strangle me three weeks ago in my garage, then a man jumped over the 12 foot high wall last weekend, got stuck in the bougainvillea, then he fell into the pool and, ta da! broke the Chubb responder’s fingers, trying to steal Chubb man’s gun…. The cops, who arrived half an hour too late, then refused to handcuff said man. Too long a story. But, here i am, still in SA and for the most part, a happy survivor

  9. I don’t hold with the argument that the gap between the haves and the have nots is so much worse than in Australia or New Zealand or Europe or North America. One needs to take a wider perspective.Sure some South Africans live the high life. Most whites don’t and battle to get by just like the rest of their countrymen. Sure there is great poverty in South Africa. But it is the gap between the poor in the “developing” world and the so-called First World that is the problem. We in SA don’t imprison refugees in isolated camps the way they do in Australia, deny them status and aim to return them all home for fear of being swamped.
    We don’t impose restrictions on “illegals” or call them undocumented workers and have high fences,.surveillance cameras and legions of border guards they way that do in the USA. In Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Canada etc many like to claim the moral high ground when it come to this question. They donate, they offer assistance of all kinds – after all they are the rich – but the magnitude of the problem far outstrips their contributions and ultimately they protect their own self-interest. They like to think they are isolated from the “others” by geography and custom unions, tariffs and trade barriers and border agents patrolling “fences” of ultimate futility protecting copious consumption and entitlement.The self-preservation principle is at work here surely. It is the crowded lifeboat metaphor once more: In the sea are many people, men, women and children, swimming towards your boat which is already filled with its safe quota of people. What do you do as a “moral“ person? But I would suggest that Australia, Canada, the US, the EU and others are acting out of selfish motives. They could do far more, take in far more of those drowning at sea. and not just those who are useful to them – those with skills – our doctors, nurses and teachers. They take from third world countries and give so little back except some aid to salve their consciences. By contrast, in South Africa the third world is your neighbour, your parking space attendant, your traffic-light seller of trinkets and toys and flags of the country that we wave so patriotically when the national team is playing.
    To make this personal, I have been living and working in America for a number of years many working at two jobs to save money, much of which I have been sending home to pay off my farm above McGregor and make improvements. Next year I go back again and invest in a long held dream to make cider. The Cape is special for me and I would not give it up for the world. I think (I hope) there are many expats like me who dream of Africa, a la Karen Blixen (who wrote Out of Africa) and who will return to make a contribution even if it is just to cast a vote in the next election.

    1. David you speak twaddle. Australias ‘genuine’ refugees are given proper houses and tvs and mobile phones…they live like kings. In SA your refugees live in squatter camps. Get your facts straight. This is why expats get angry because those who are left behind speak rubbish to justify their fear of the big wide world.

      1. Your analysis of the so called facts are also off somewhat.

        If Australia had the quantity of refugees that SA has they wouldnt be able to house them. Australia is an island and has that advantage.
        Ours walk over a long border

        I also see that Australia has contracted Papua New Guinea to house future refugees (coming in via boat) thereby keeping them out of Australia.

        The scale of the refugee challenge is incomparable and both you the person you were replying to shouldnt be making such a comparison.
        SA’s doors are open wide and we dont help them much apart from giving them working rights in a place better (in their eyes) to their own.
        .Australia’s doors are relatively closed. Will the boat people get a better life in PNG? Or will they stop trying to go to Australia? I dont know.
        Either way incomparable.

        Either way it doesnt explain why expats become angry

        1. The facts are David, Australia allows and funds over 250000 legal refugees each year, the boat people are not legal refugees. They are trying to jump the cue to the detriment of those who wait patiently in refugee camps.

          1. I still don’t think you can compare the Aussie refugee problem with that of SA. Chalk and cheese. But you carry on punting your cause.

          4. Last UN High Commissioner figures for legal refugees I saw was 1/10th that – 25 000? Where does 250 000 come from?

            Even on that score SA has over double, and obviously illegal refugees not even in the same league.

      2. Actually those are not the facts

        You claim Australia processes 250,000 per year legal refugees
        Well the number according to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (2011) the number is 25,000. So you are only out by a factor of 10x
        SA’s number is 57,000

        As for illegal refugees SA has a way bigger problem. Millions vs thousands.
        The distinction between illegal and legal is dubious since if someone is genuinely fleeing persecution where are they supposed to wait? Back in the land where they are being persecuted.
        I am not saying that Australia could admit refugees willy nilly. Pragmatically they can’t.
        Australia uses its island status and PNG to process them. SA cannot.

        But my point was they are not comparable situations. Both you and other David are wrong to compare.

        And anyway what has this got to do with expats

  10. Summed up, wrapped up, tied up and case closed. Having lived overseas before for a while, and recently considered moving back, all these thoughts have been going round my head when confronted with friends who have emigrated. You have eloquently put into one article all those thoughts in a way I could never have. Awesome. Well done.

  12. So many of us leave South Africa and become citizens of another. No no I am never going back they say, oooo the crime rate is too high, ooo this oooo that and yet they retained the S.A citizenship.

    Be part of the solution peeps and not the problem.

  13. I really have now idea what La La Land you live in. Think the sun (which you haven’t seen in a while & the Vit K shortfall) has shorted something… You do not give your age. I am on the cusp of being a Pensioner.. the old adage … Getting old is not for sissies, is horrendously scary here in good ole SA. Yes, SA has enormous appeal… I LOVE the outdoors, I LOVE the people here, and Yes, I LOVE this country.. it really does get under one’s skin… Am I proud of our flag / JZ & entourage… NO… Am I afraid of being old and fragile here.. You’re darn right. I don’t (hopefully) look like an old fart but already I am being targeted at ATM’s, parking garages, malls etc. What does my future hold??? Frankly, I just too tired & scared to find out. Living here has been a privilige (no I don’t mean during the Apartheid) I too was excited with, and excited for change but so much has changed and in my current situation, I am tired and worn out waiting for it to improve. I am sick to my core seeing so MANY, MANY hungry people out there. Is really hard when I have a half a loaf in my home to eat.. and thousands of people are starving… Not hungry… starving….Here is where a part of my love for living here is dying…. All the JZ’s & his entourage making huge amounts of money at all of our expense makes me reach for my prozac (am one step up. can afford the R25.00 per month)… actually prozac no longer works … needing something stronger… Would love you to fire up my enthusiasm yet again – exhaustion is exhaustion!!!

  14. I’m a Capetonian who has lived in Los Angeles some 25 years, returning to SA just once, last September. I have great affection for the Cape town I grew up in, however, the place bears some serious scars from the advent of the so-called “New South Africa”…the sprawling urban disasters along the N2 between the airport and Athlone or down the Hout Bay mountainside, the bars on every door and window or the third world “street market” which has overtaken Greenmarket Square, being a mere few examples of what would be extremely hard to miss as an overseas resident! As for Durban and Johannesburg, we won’t even attempt to go down that road here…

  15. Yussus boet! Thank you!
    Just love Thab’s speech.
    I’m a South African Living in Hong Kong. I bleed for my country. I bleed for Africa. I ask myself everyday what the hell I’m doing here, trying to justify it all. I ached when I had to leave, and it was my choice. It was a career move and an opportunity I would not have had in South Africa.
    Yes, there’s a lot of crap in SA, but hell man there’s some great stuff too. I’ve had the good fortune of having had the opportunity to travel extensively around South Africa and Southern Africa. How blessed and lucky was I! What beauty in it’s people, it’s cultures and it’s land. I would come back tomorrow in heart beat, without a blink of an eye. I have a small young family that I need to provide for. Sadly, in my specific skilled line of work there is no opportunity for me and my demographic heritage. I’m a lost dog without a home!

  16. As a person from the UK who lived in CapeTown for 9 years and go back on holiday annually for a month to 6 weeks I cannot agree more. S Africa is the best place in the world. Come and live in England with all the immigrants and stupid rules made by the European Union which we have to abide by. It is then that you appreciate what a great place SA is. Every country has their problems but I think I could put with SA’s problems more than the crap here.

  17. Absolutely wonderful reading and sooo true….the grass is not greener on the other side of
    the fence! Everywhere has pros and cons. I have been living in the UK for 7 years and am
    seriously thinking of making my way back within 2 years!

  20. Beautifully written Susan. I agree with you that when it comes to lifestyle, we have it all. The expats’ concerns are however not as one-sided as you may think. From my little experience overseas, our lifestyle comes at a cost – not to the privileged and still mostly white minority I am part of, but the growing number of poor, ill, impoverished masses. I don’t subscribe to white guilt, but surely there is something wrong with our society if nothing has changed in the way we live since 1994?

  21. Oh YES !! This is exactly I avoid most other South African expats like the absolute PLAGUE – so incredibly sick of hearing them run the country down to justify their decision to leave, instead of accepting responsibility for their own life choices.

  22. I hear you! While I am an expat living in New Zealand (and well settled with a new family I should add) Africa will always be a part of me. When I go back for holidays there is a sense of coming home, of being complete. I seriously get my back up when expats or non-South Africans alike criticise my country. I don’t see me every moving back but at the same time I regret that my son will not grow up with the same amazing childhood I did. Between the berg and the game reserves and the amazing food damn was it good! But having said that I love New Zealand too. It has given me an amazing second home. I realise I’m lucky to have settled here and made wonderful friends and life here. But in my heart I will always be a proud South African!

  23. I personally have met expat individuals and families while living in the USA who cannot get permanent residence or except the change needed to make it in their new country – most of them have an inflated opinion of themselves and are angry for many reasons. However those who have fitted in well do not entertain negativity in any form. Don’t assume the comments you read are from expats happily living overseas, after all this is the internet and individuals tend to hide under assumed identities to create all sorts of negative or positive issues. My advice to them ‘go home’

  24. I can’t imagine living in a different country either… i am currently in Germany from 01 October and only getting back to my beloved Cape Town 15 November and i must say..its true what u say the skies are always grey and gloomy and i hate food… dammit cannot wait to get back.. awesome letter, flippin awesome.. kan net nie wag om n braai te gooi nie en n regte Black Label of Castle te drink nie

  25. While I think your story is great there is still the hardened fact that most South Africans’ live in fear. Just take a look at the houses we live in – fenced all round – and the gated communities. I cant speak for Cape Town but if you are selling in a complex you will make good money whereas if you are selling a house, you will struggle! This is simply due to the fact that people believe in safety in numbers.

    I believe the people that left do need reasons to justify why they left but by ridiculing their country of birth is not going to make it right. South Africa needs to sort out it’s crime and I an guarantee you, all the ex-pats will come running back.

    1. Dave, just the point I was going to make. I live in SA but can’t let my kids out of my sight, have to arm my house every night because of repeated attempts to break in, etc. The author is spot on about speaking for herself, but should go no further than that: many have left for valid reasons, homes ripped to shreds by violence, murder, rape, etc. – that cannot be erased, ad neither can the fact that there is no other place in the world as violent.

  26. love your writing, your honesty and your experience. The best way to sum up South Africa is to run the Comrades. There I experienced ‘ubuntu’ and just not possible to put into words. But let me try briefly… The pain, the cheers, the pain, the smiles, the pain, the head rush, the pain, the high fives, the pain, the bliss, the pain, the confusion as to what I am doing there… and I could go on, but it sums up my living in my country of choice. The best thing about that race day is – all standing together on a very early morning, where we all have one common goal, to get to the other side, and we all want the fellow stranger to do it with us. Did I mention the pain? Pretty similar to life in SA :) keep the posts coming!

  27. We are sa expats who have been in the Uk for 12 years now and in the last months have made the decision to honour our hearts deepest yearning and in the face of many fears and insecurity go home. Thank you for your two beautiful blog posts that hold my hand on our return journey. For 12 years we had to make South Africa into a dangerous and terrifying monster to justify being so far from home. Releasing the phantom monster to reality with perspective and truth is like taking off a very sticky plaster , very slowly. We all have to justify our reasons for our decisions ….whether to stay whether to go…..that is normal . But I am sorry you became the target of the more vicious justifications. Thanks for the inspiration .

  28. Ther’s more than a grain of truth in what you say, Ssuan – that some expats get a kick out of running SA down to justify their decison to leave. Some even perversely look only for the negatives. But for all those expats who (quite naturally) develop misty-eyed nostalgia for the country of their birth, here’s a reality check:
    http://ewn.co.za/2013/10/30/KZN-pupil-speared-to-death-at-school
    And before you shout “random, isolated incident”, unfortunately, it’s not. It’s quite horrifying to see the level of violence embedded into the fabric of SA society at all levels, and even so-called “good schools” are not spared! As the gap between the ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’, and between the ruling ANC class and their natural constituents widens, dark forces and dangerous rip-currents are re-emerging in SA. If you think SA is poised for a bright, stable future, think again!! The EFF (Malema) and Amcu (militant left-wing trade union) is just the start of this new resistance. Just as easy as it is to knock the country to confirm your own prejudices, so it is to develop rose-tinted glasses from afar…just saying. I am one of those who elected to remain, despite all our siblings leaving. I wanted to stay and make a ‘contribution’. Yet, I have never had a more pessimistic outlook about our country’s future than now.

    1. Right on, Ed! One of my best friends (an author) has lived, virtually sequestered, in a Gauteng apartment complex with his wife of twenty years, for several years now, after returning from a sojourn in the UK, venturing out when necessary only. I’m thankful he considered meeting us at JHB International for a drink on our way back to the USA, as such! This is a man with his finger squarely on the political pulse of the nation and between the extreme graft and corruption of the Zuma/ China alliance and the fearsome prospects offered by the likes of Julius Male(ne)ma the SA we all knew and loved is, in his view, severely under threat. To avoid misconstrual of my position, I had a fabulous initial 27 years in the Motherland, met and married my wife in Cape Town and our daughter was born in Jhb Gen. However, from what I saw last September between a few days in Jhb and staying with my sister and family in CT for a week or so, evidence of significant social deterioration is to be found at every traffic light, in every parking lot and around a great many corners. Cry the beloved country, indeed…

  29. An interesting blog, one to which I have to add my voice. Im an Indian South African and proudly so. In 1997, my 3 siblings chose to emigrate. My sister had married a white SA with Scottish roots and chose to up and move to the UK, closely followed by my brother and other sister, both who left for better work opportunities. The sister who left with her Scottish husband chose to denounce this country in every way. Her husband has been attacked and robbed in the tube and on his way home more than once and she has become the most miserable sod this world has ever produced. Ironically enough, while denouncing the country, she still chose to study via correspondence at UNISA and gained a Psych degree and now has her own clinical practice in which she attempts to sort out other people’s lives, while denying the mess of her own. LOL!! My brother fared better with outstanding work prospects and now 16 years later, has a failed marriage tho a beautiful 4 year old from this disaster, which was the victim of the ridiculous work hours and the lack of understanding between himself and a snobby Brit partner who could not understand or appreciate that her need to belong and identify with the snobby Brit “upper classes’ meant he had to work twice as hard as he would have done back here. His home in Reading has been burgled twice, the last time completely cleaned out as his indifferent neighbours went about their business, ignoring the removal van parked outside ‘moving” his stuff, just minding their own business in the real lack of community that exists there. Recently he was hospitalised. Unexpectedly. He found himself with a dilemma. Not ONE friend he could rely upon to get him clothes and other essentials from his apartment for his hospital stay. I sat with him on whatsapp for 3 days, being his company! Nobody visited, its just not the ‘done thing’ there. He has a wide circle of “friends’ and work colleagues but no-one close enough to call upon when he is in real need. My sister found herself competing for resources and the object of much vitriol from British work colleagues, simply for her outstanding work ethic and immediate way of sorting out things. She is a senior ICU sister. Hating the weather and after being duped into emigrating to Perth by her no-hoper Brit boyfriend, who used her credentials to get into the country and who promptly dumped her after arriving there, she is currently living a “half life’ in Perth. Few friends, work-home-work cos despite all the hype of it being like SA, its just too darn difficult to integrate into their culture and decided lack of interest in anything other than Australian. What a charmed life they are all leading now. We chose to stay. We visited every country in this world to which the masses were fleeing and came back home wondering WHY? Commit or leave. Even then, commit. To your new country. As for us…we ask ourselves, do we leave and live a half life somewhere else or do we stay and make a difference? The choice is clear.

  30. SA is a wonderful country, for the fairly well-off – you have unparalleled luxury of space and “help”. You’d have to be super-rich to live in that way anywhere else in the world. But to live there in SA you then have to handle that disparity of wealth and circumstance right on your door step, and I haven’t been able to get my head around that.

    1. Amanda, you don’t need to be super rich in another country, you just need to be smart and chose the right country to live in. When we moved 10 yrs ago my wife, a school teacher, earned in USD almost exactly what she used to earn in Rands, it was and is a no brainier.

  31. Have you lost anyone close to you because of crime, have anyone of your family members been gang raped, have you ever been in a violent crime, no one likes to leave their heritage family or friends or country.It’s the toughest thing I have ever done and I cry everyday about the most beloved beautiful country in the world. Everybody has to justify there decisions to themselves you for staying and others for going. SA has its own problems, uncertain future etc. Abroad has hard work, starting over and loneliness like you cannot believe. Respect each other and don’t try and justify your decision by breaking others down we don’t know each others circumstances rather have empathy for each other and the difficult circumstances we all face as minority”s I which ever country we stay

    1. What a sad post, Barry – it almost makes ME want to cry. Sending you a big, warm South African hug from across the miles, and I hope you find peace and happiness, even far away from the country you love xxx

  33. I’m am an ex-South African. I chose to immigrate to beautiful “Queensland” and I wouldn’t change if for the world. I live with Polite & very kind people, great parks and gorgeous beaches….we braai and enjoy our out door living and also love all our woolworths food options and “dips” too!
    You should come visit Brisbane one day. This place is seriously our HOME from home….it’s a magnificent fare and safe country just like South Africa is! :)
    Xxx

  34. Happily living in the demonised Wellington as a Kiwi now. Not been back since I left and, sure, for the first couple of years I wondered if moving to a new country was the right thing to do but that adjustment is over and I was happy to relinquish my SA citizenship.
    I know the names of all the All Blacks and contrary to the ill-informed the weather in New Zealand might not be baking hot but there is is plenty of sunshine and loads of glorious wilderness to maintain the outdoor life we love so much. So if anyone does read this comment, don’t be put off by biased blogs like this. It’s not about crime, every country changes and no place will be the place you grew up in. You can still braai, or bbq, and swim, and drink bubbly all over the world but be prepared to settle in before you give up.
    I for one am so pleased that my kids will have fewer obstacles in their path when they come to university and job hunting.
    And not to mention how I get to watch the best rugby in the world now… go the All Blacks!

  35. I’m a UK national living in SA and I think it’s the most beautiful country on earth (and yes I have traveled a lot). I agreed a lot with your original post as I think it captured the real dilemma of living with such huge inequality on your doorstep. Things I found totally shocking when I came here (men sitting in the back of pick up trucks on the motorway, shacks by the roadside) I am now nearly immune to, in fact I find the street beggars in London more unnerving.

    That said I don’t think you can big up SA by claiming life everywhere else is awful either, so it makes me sad that this seems to be a competition between SA/UK/Oz/Canada. It’s worth noting that one of the of the reasons Denmark scores so highly on happiness indices is because it has a very financially homogenous population. In SA you can live like a king, but the flip side is concentrated wealth and a tiny tax base so others live in extreme poverty. Whereas in other countries there is more social infrastructure – and you pay for that, hence all the stuff everyone complains about – the small, expensive houses, cleaners you have to pay a living wage, public transport for pretty much everyone, but also less (but not no) poverty, serious crime, and corruption.

    Sadly, like many of my skilled expat friends, I have to leave as getting a visa or residency depends only on who your lawyer is connected to, not what you can do to drive much needed economic growth, so it’s goodbye for now until I can save up to pay the right person….

  36. As an expat myself I always find these articles & comments interesting, they are all the same, everyone feels the need to justify why they make the decisions that they do, we stayed, we left….. Everyone has their story & a reason for why they either stayed or left, it is always the same! We left 13 years ago to live in London, have a wonderful life here after many years of hard work, England is our home now and we love it. We don’t slate SA, we come back once or twice a year to visit, get to spend our summers in Europe enjoying the sunshine & the rest in London where actually the summers arent too bad! Our 3 children have a fantastic life here & we couldn’t ask for more. What I find interesting is that for every one SA friend that we have, all our other friends are either American, Canadian, French, Israeli & the list goes on. Why do SA’a in SA feel the need to make SA’s who have the guts to go out into the world and see more, do more, experience more feel guilty, as if we are ‘traitors’! There are enough people in SA to keep the economy going & keep the flag flying, are there not? I find that the people who criticise those we leave are often those who can’t leave or those who left and returned because things didn’t work our for one reason or another. We love SA, it is beautiful and has a special place in our heart. But we also love living in the centre of the world, being able to jump on a plane & be in NY in 5 hours, being able to spend time in Greece & Italy without needing a mortgage, it is fantastic! Life in the UK is harder, working hours are longer, we don’t get our ironing done for us & we don’t get as much sunshine but we have a good life & our kids have a fabulous future (with both British & SA passports so the decision is theirs), life could be worse. Keep an open mind & don’t feel guilty for your decisions, the world is a small place, enjoy it & don’t forget, if it weren’t for the Dutch & British settlers ‘venturing out’ most of us wouldn’t be in SA either!!

  37. “You made a choice to go, like we made a choice to stay” – no, if you stayed it was because you had no choice. You obviously had a choice and you DID leave .. you went to Sweden. The fact that you returned doesn’t change the fact that you did once leave. Unfortunately for you, your destination wasn’t the best and returned – if you had a better choice you might still have been there, we’ll never know. However, you’re now stuck with your best option and of course you have to defend that decision.

    1. I followed my husband, not to get out of SA. And no, no matter where I had gone I would have returned. Nothing unfortunate in the matter, I count myself exceptionally lucky. And, incidentally, we had the life of Riley in Sweden in many ways. It’s much harder making a living down here but I am incomparably happier and that, for me, counts for more.

  39. Interesting read. The author has cleverly inserted a clause that should anyone like me, outside of SA, make a comment contrary to her opinion it proves their anger and bitterness.

    That said, it is unfortunate that she assumes everyone that has left SA feels like she did and that they are somehow unhappy, with daily hankerings after the old country, possessing feelings of ‘confusion’ when we visit SA.

    I have met 5 types of people in the whole stay-leave scenario:
    1) those like myself who are extremely happy with our choice and call Australia/UK/Canada… home. To the point that we have even given up our SA citizenship, because this is where we feel ‘free’.
    2) those described in his article, that many of us overseas call ‘when we’ expats. They are forever complaining and moaning about where they are and how SA was the perfect place (yet they complained just as much about SA, when they lived in SA).
    3) those that want to leave SA but can’t, and so criticise those that have.
    4) those that decide that living in SA is where they want to be, return after a time overseas – but then criticise those that don’t follow them.
    5) those that decide that living in SA is where they want to be and stay or happily return after a time overseas. They acknowledge that, like their English or Dutch ancestors, there is no ‘right’ place to live. That you make choices for your life. Choices that are best for you and your family. Choices about where you feel most ‘free’.

    Collett (www.familysmart.com.au)

  40. These kind of letters are getting SO old. I know so many South Africans including myself who left to experience the rest of the world. There are so many to see more than a life time. Lots of South Africans have made it. I live a fantastic lifestyle I could never live anywhere in my life. From enjoying a diverse circle of friends who I hang out with ski chalets, private jets, villas in party islands. To being introduced to some of the most influential business people in the world. Experiencing amazing culture from operas to plays. So much richness.
    Usually the ones that don’t make it get homesick. The successful ones love it out here.
    This comes from someone who loves SA and loves the lifestyle in Europe much more!

  41. I heard that “the honeymoon is over for white people in South Africa”
    I don’t live in South Africa anymore because I am embarrassed. Gloating that you can have lakka braais and drink champagne while someone else who has not had enough opportunities to have a choice washes your dirty underwear is shameful. Sies, South Africa.

  42. Hahaha! Surely you jest? I am not angry but extremely amused. I also commend you on your blog post which I am assuming was crafted expressly to create a stir and go viral. Objective achieved!
    I am not sure which expats you are referring to? There is an enormous expat population here in South Florida and in L.A. where we lived for 8 years. In the I know of such a small minority that have wanted to leave in either of those places and then mostly out of necessity because of financial difficulty here.
    I miss so many things about South Africa – unfortunately many of which no longer exist as has already been so eloquently laid out in many of the previous posts- and love to visit. However there is nothing better than returning home to the USA. at the very least for the education, career opportunities and safety that it provides for my children.

    1. Actually, I didn’t write it for that reason at all, I was shocked by the anger flung my way after the ‘Moving Back to SA’ post, and I had to get it all off my chest with humour, which works well. I’m vaguely horrified by all this attention, but now I have to deal with it. And more rage, by the way. Which is really rather ironic. Thanks for writing and sharing your views! Lucky you in gorgeous Florida, I’m dying to see more of the States. All the best to you and your family x

  43. Susan. You write so well, so insightfully. I am a son of Africa, settled these many years now in New Zealand (ja, go the All Blacks), after a long and often drift through the world. I left for my own reasons. Am I glad I did? Very. Do I miss Africa every day? Of course. But here’s the thing I’d like to know: if ( please note than I am saying if, not when. I am not wishing ill on anyone here, or trying to justify my decision to leave. Sirriyas.) the shit really hits the fan, the masses rise up and riot when their anger finally foments, and they take to the streets and naughty uncle Jake says maar vok julle almal and the army comes out and the shooting starts and it’s not so easy to get to fourth beach and suip Here 17 with your tjommies, will you stay, or go back to Sweden?

    1. Bloganoceros, thank you for your kind words. I can tell you right now that I will be like those crazy old Zimbos hanging on by their fingernails (no disrespect to Zim, I know there are loads of people living there very happily) while my children try and get me on a plane back north. Aint gonna happen. I will die here in the sunshine and dust of this mad, wonderful country. It will be better than the slow death of Europe :-)

  44. I am not an angry ex-pat but the ignorance of this blog surprises me. As an ex-pat South African,every morning I wake up and count my blessings that I live in this amazingly wonderful country Australia. I feel blessed that my children will have so much more opportunities in life than that they would have had in South Africa and that their likelihood of coming face to face with horrific violence in their lifetime is greatly diminished by living here.
    We have all the breathtaking beauty, beaches, sunshine and outdoor lifestyle on a par with South Africa but I would argue and say that it is by far greater here as one is able to completely revel in it, as the anxiety of constant, possible threat is all but removed. The horrors in South Africa extend to every facet of life: education, politics, economy, etc. and one has to have a deep understanding of the history of Africa as a whole to understand that it is never going to get better, there is absolutely no possibility of improvement and in all likelihood the situation will gradually get more dire. The writer of this blog, has obviously been lucky enough to not yet have been affected by any of these horrors as yet, however the great pleasures that you derive from having a maid etc will be seem inconsequential if you or your family are personally affected by the horrific violence or the declining economy or any of the other numerous impending horrors. The analogy of frog in the pot of cold water on the stove seems very relevant to the plight of South Africans living in South Africa.

  45. You should be embarrassed by this article because you come across as a spoiled brat who has forgotten the majority of south africans don’t have the priviledge of expansive lawns, camping trips, (although they all get to drink inexpensive wine) and someone else to do their ironing whilst they sit on the beach in Clifton… Thank goodness as an expat I won’t be put into the same category as you – and by the way- I am very happy where I am – sipping cocktails on the French Riviera whilst my kids run around safely outside…
    I hope you – as a south african, living in SA, taking advantage of what they country has to offer – takes the time to help those south africans, living in SA who do not live in the priviledged luxury you do. If you don’t and instead you spend your time writing stupid self righteous blogs – to reassure yourself you have done the right thing – you have no right to truly call yourself a child of Africa…

  46. Your blog post paints a picture of yourself and other South Africans like you as elitist and entitled. While you gloss over South Africa’s ” serryass problems”, tell me this: What about your maid’s kids who get sent to school by transport, run by goodness knows who, at 4am and then have to walk home alone through shack land, having to try and fend off all the risks that come with with poverty while you “spend a lot of time camping, hiking, hanging out on the beach and drinking very nice, inexpensive wine on (y)our expansive lawns in the sunshine while somebody else does the ironing”. Do you really think it paints a good picture of South Africans to have you crowing about how lucky you are that there is a huge segment of the population that you can exploit? What are you doing to address the very real problems in SA, the real reason so many of these “angry ex-pats” left? Or are you just sitting behind your high walls with blinkers on, living the good life?

    1. Once you get off your high horse, Tarryn, why don’t you read my latest blog, ‘A Day in the Life of a South African Maid’ which was discussed on KFM this morning, and is going viral on Twitter. And then tell us all what you’re doing.

  48. I dont normally respond to blogs, but I thought , after reading this I needed to add another perspective. I would also miss SA terribly if I lived in a cold, grey and rainy country. I would probably move right back – but I dont, we choose to move to Sunny California and enjoy sunshine, beaches and all the wonderful things that California offers. I think I can say the same for the people who moved to other sunny countries.When one leave SA , one has a choice on where to go, if one chooses the cold , wet and grey then they will be unhappy. I cant imagine how you stayed in Sweden for so long ? Why did it take you so long to leave ?

    3. I couldn’t agree more. Make the right choice to stay in the right country for you. I have never left SA. Have no reason to. But if I had to I would certainly choose a country that is similar in climate and culture. I love SA but not the crime. Each country has pros and cons. If you not happy where you move to. Try another place. Life is too short to waste away being unhappy with where you live. For me SA rocks!

  49. I returned home to SA after 17 years in the USA and have never regretted my decision, not for a moment…best move I ever made… I love SA!!! Sure we have our problems and lots of challenges, but daily I see things improving and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

  50. what a jol to read your post and all the comments that followed. here’s what i miss the most is chicks like you .. but hey, here you are, even tho’ i’m living in beautiful newport beach USA, i still get that great taste of everything i love about south africa .. it’s the south africans i miss the most .. ja of course i miss the winelands, the mountain, the bush (yes, i miss it very much), and yes it’s a little more ‘vanilla’ here and the sense of humor is not quite the same, but i’d love for all my mates (and yes, now you’re one too) to come and see that we too have carved out a cool life where we can walk dogs alone along the beach, go out in a convertible at night and not have to wizz through the lights (unless we intend to of course) .. and just the basic little things that you cannot do with peace of mind in SA. PS: i do run around telling everyone i’m african .. get’s an interesting response ;) come visit sometime .. it’s very like SA ..

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