By the Way, You Don’t Have to Breed

Caprice

As a mother of two I’m going to let you in on a secret closely guarded by the parents of the world: having kids is overrated, and you don’t have to do it. No matter how many women (it’s always the women) accost you at dinner parties demanding to know why your uterus remains a thing of emptiness, I will tell you unequivocally that the motive for their probing is rage around the following things: you – unlike them – look fresh and rested; you – unlike them – will not be going home to pay the babysitter after this dull dinner party but heading straight to somewhere fabulous where you’ll imbibe alcohol and have sexual relations and lastly (and this is a biggie) your vagina is intact. Nothing makes mothers madder than the idea of your intact vagina.

These things about you fill parents of the world with hateful, jealous fury. How dare you sleep in the nighttime and spend your weekends on the beach? Why aren’t you and your partner also having fights in the park at 6:45am and walking up and down the driveway frantically pushing a pram while its contents scream unrelentingly and trying to eat a restaurant meal holding a fractious, miniature fembot? No no no no, you look far too contented. Quick! You need to lose that contraceptive device yesterday and also be very fat and very, very tired like them. But really, here’s the thing – and I’ve done it long enough to know – in spite of what people seem hell-bent on telling you there are in fact gazillions of worthwhile ways to spend the days of your life that have nothing to do with bringing children forth into the world.

Off the top of my head I can think of 137 more interesting things than the school run, for example. If I could clock up the hours, months, probably years I’ve spent waiting for someone short in stature to finish ballet/soccer/recorder lessons I’m certain I would keel over and die of dismay. And I’m not saying I don’t like having children. I adore my girls and for me, for whatever reason, mothering was always on the agenda. But I don’t pretend it’s not a job without moments of mind-altering tediousness and that there aren’t days I want to say to my offspring, you know what? You are the two most annoying people I’ve ever met on this planet. I’m off to drink piña coladas somewhere sane like a lunatic asylum. Sayonara, midgets, and good luck working the stove. 

But, unlike other job descriptions that looked good on paper, this one you can’t resign from. So instead you hire a babysitter, put on extra concealer and try to convince innocent, child-free people that they don’t know what they’re missing because safety in numbers and all. Many people genuinely love having kids and that’s cool and for (almost) every moment you go what the actual fuck under your breath there are moments that are fun and rewarding. But for those people sitting on the fence or who suspect there might be things that are better and more fun to do with their lives than being parents I say, yes! There are! Don’t believe the hype; don’t listen when they imply it’s your duty and that you’re somehow lesser of a woman/human being if you think it’ll be more interesting running a large, successful company than watching a toddler poo. Or traveling the world and living in different countries and spending your days having adventures with sexy men you don’t have to marry.

Lord knows, there are enough women out there breeding prolifically because they don’t have a choice (and, frankly, are often barking as a result). You don’t have to be one of them. You are fully, totally entitled to do something different and extraordinary with your life. And I commend singletons and couples who have the courage and insight to know parenthood is not for them. It’s not an easy choice to make, but only because the people around them make it hard. People hate it when other people make different choices. They get anxious and confused and start asking themselves questions they would rather not know the answers to. But I say, fuck everyone else and the family car they arrived in. Take your intact vagina and go conquer the world.

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130 thoughts on “By the Way, You Don’t Have to Breed

  1. Having never felt maternal in my life, this resonated with me. Some of us have opted for the choice of being married and child-free (so the part about having sex with fabulous strangers didn’t apply to me, although it certainly sounded appealing). Great piece.

    1. Socio economic standing and easier access to interesting travel education and career options. Access to birth control. Access to safety nets or payments in retirement that will see you still able to eat and not reliant on your offspring.

  2. I remember when I had my firstborn, a friend asked me whether she should have children or not? I wanted to say no but felt I couldn’t as that would have been disloyal to my child.So get this post.

  3. Laughed out load many times and completely identified with this post. I have three children – whom I love dearly, but unless you have a burning desire to procreate, don’t do it.

  4. Hilarious. Had a good laugh. My sons are adults now, but it sure doesn’t get better.
    I have always wanted them and love them, but there comes a time, when you’re not even allowed an opinion, why, because it’s always wrong : )

    1. Weird, my own mother is a homophobic, racist, and overall hateful person but the only one who ever calls her out is my brother. My sister and i alwaya stay silent. I am very outspoken towards hateful opiniond when strangers show them but i always felt your mother was the one person you do not say “you are wrong” to. Even if they are so so wrong

  5. Thank you, darling! You’re one of the very few mothers who doesn’t ever try to give me a guilt trip. And this is made even more amazing by the fact that, if I did *have* to have children, your two girls would be the only ones I’d want :)

  6. I always love your posts and this one is particularly amusing! I’ve been through the hell of raising two (now very wonderful) kids and my youngest has just moved into res in his first year of studying medicine. Now that they have both left home and my husband and I have our lives back, we can truly appreciate the joys of having children. I think 23 years of gruelllng child raising makes us relish our freedom so much more now (plus we can now look forward to grandchildren). So as hard as it was, having come through the other side tired but happy, I would recommend it to anyone.

  7. Great read,as usual -and totally get this. Two boys later. But also have to say that I always thought that I was quite a free and non clingy mother,but my eldest went to boarding school this year(his choice) and I have a permanent ache in my heart- which I am sure I will get over- but still. They creep into your heart,lay their roots and next thing you’re crying every Sunday evening when they’ve left for school
    X

  8. I didn’t have children and this so resonates with me. I have been looked at with wide incredulous eyes when I dared to state (when asked) that I have no children. It was not a choice I had as I was unable to have any however the same reaction is given without anyone knowing anything about my background of why I am childless. I am the ‘cool’ aunt and my nieces and nephews love it! Brilliantly written article I loved it.

    1. I hear you sister. I’m 34 and had the internal debate postponing what I saw as the inevitable since I was 30. Was hoping all of sudden I’d want them but nope, got to 34 and still nothing. So had to let nature takes its cause because…. fear of possible future fomo and everyone but me wanted me to have one. (My mum has it on her Goals list for 2016 for Christ sake. Yep). I was hoping it would take ages but nope, first go! I’m now 26 pregnant. Freaking the fuck out. Wishing I read this article 26 weeks ago and bought me more time. Had to have counselling to help dread my life less come June. I keep hearing “it’s so worth it” from friends that don’t look like they are coping and are frankly making the whole thing look and sound aweful. Really hope that I experience the magic love-at-first-sight-hormones and come back to this forum in a few months time preaching the joys of motherhood. Wish me luck ladies.

      1. Oh Hun, Ive so been where you are now. I actually had my one and only at 43!
        When I was pregnant I felt as if mothers had made a pac to keep all the awful bits about pregnancy and child rearing a secret until I was pregnant. Then WHAM! they told me horror story after horror story once i was past the point of no return.
        Anyway, I want to give you 2 very useful bits of advice . Don’t rely on that “magic love-at-first-sight-hormone” Thank goodness someone gave me that advice! Because I just looked at this creature I had just given birth to and there was nothing!! But the same person told me you will grow to love your baby, and thats exactly what happened. I was so glad to have had that advise or I would have freaked out and thought there was something wrong with me.
        Secondly, remember to put your screaming baby down somewhere safe, and walk away for a while if it all gets overwhelming . It only happened to me a couple of times, but when you’re at your wits ends, put your baby in its cot, walk out into the yard and get a bit of fresh air.
        Those 2 hints were the best bit of advice I got and I hope you can use them.
        Good luck with it all. xx

        1. Thank you for the advice. Sounds practical and good not to living in expectation of something that’s not guaranteed. And so true about the hidden world of horror stories. I felt like such shit for the first 4 months and was so angry at nature (as pointless as it is) for making it so difficult. I mean it’s like the only thing that biologically we are meant to do, so why isn’t it easier?! And of course as soon as it’s too late the comments from mothers start coming “kiss goodbye your freedom”, “get used to no sleep”, “I couldn’t cope with the baby”. All horrible to hear when you are a reluctant participant in the whole thing in the first place. I now ask mothers to only tell me the good stuff because I’ve heard enough of the bad. Ironically I never get to hear good stories other than “it’s so amazing and so worth all the pain” I sort of wish I waited longer and some women said waiting to 40 is fine but career wise for me i was a cross roads so rather than starting a new path, I chose this. Except now I feel like I’ve lost myself. Just waiting for the baby to come to see what life will be like before I confirm my new purpose.

          Sux that we have to choose either childless freedom and that means commitment to never experience motherhood, which in some ways creating the miracle of life is so special, 0r we choose to do it, forever sacrificing ourselves and can’t turn back if you realise it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Never the less, the joyous reaction you get when people find out you are expecting overall gives me hope that it is worth it.

  9. It’s nice to hear this real-talk coming from someone who has kids. I can’t even follow most women-with-kids bloggers because all they talk about are their kids and how motherhood is the best thing ever! It’s like they live in a 24-7 baby-worshipping bubble.

    Although this idea that child-free women spend all their time on beaches making love with sexy guys is flawed, some of us are ugly and have jobs to go to and bills to pay and other stresses besides kids. Life with kids isn’t automatic hell and life without kids isn’t automatic bliss, there’s a wide-variety of experiences.

    Anyway, nice article and I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    1. So true! Do I love being able to take a class or meet friends for dinner with out having to find a babysitter? Yep. But it’s not nearly as romantic or sexy as described… for some, I guess.

  10. Hilarious!! 😂. Now I want to read a sequel to this one where you talk about why the actual fuck we don’t need to get married either ;).

    1. Yes! I finally came to this conclusion on my own after having tearful discussions with my boyfriend as to why he wants to be with me (forever I assume) but not be married to me. He turned it around and asked what I wanted from marriage – and when I thought about it – it was exactly what I have now. Suddenly the overwhelming urge to pinterest vintage non-wedding type wedding dresses and think about songs to walk down the aisle to disappeared. Turns out it’s not me, it’s just marriage.

  11. This is exactly what I needed to read right now, and written by a mother, no less.

    I am 38, married for over 15 years, and have never wanted children. A few years ago, realising it was then or never, I spent a good few months agonising and soul searching, only to decide that I had been right all along: I didn’t want children.

    I still don’t want children. I want puppies and adventures and lazy Sundays spent in my pyjamas, but no kids. Not for me. No thank you. (Husband is cool with it, in case you were wondering.)

    I guess it’s my age – most of my friends and acquaintance have young children now – but I feel like I am bombarded on Facebook by posts that glorify motherhood. Like it’s the only thing that justifies your existence as a woman.

    Recently my eye caught the post of an over zealous mother-acquaintance as I was scrolling by: If you have never felt the dancing of life in your belly, you have never known true love.

    I have also had people (actually no, only women) tell me to my face that I was selfish for not having children and I have lost count of the number who have gazed at me pityingly when they find out I am childless by choice.

    I am not less than any of them, but it’s like they try to make me feel smaller for choosing differently. And I am almost certain that if I mentioned my feelings anywhere but here, I would be burnt at the stake.

    1. It was only after I became a mother that I understood why people would choose not to have children. So I find it hard to understand why any mother would judge another woman (or man) negatively for choosing not to have children. I have three gorgeous and very active girls who I’m sure will grow up to be caring, generous, kind citizens who will greatly contribute to society and the general good of mankind someday (don’t quote me on that!) but being a mother IS the hardest job/thing/faze/craze in the world. It is as hard as you think and then some….much, much more. And even after you’ve been physically and emotionally squeezed like a factory lemon and been sleep-deprived for 20+ years, chances are they will still shell out tons of denaro (probably yours) to a shrink someday, moaning about how you ruined their lives! So yes, if you don’t have children, you definitely have no idea what you’re missing. …riiiiiight!

    2. That is so weird that they do that! I jave two and a third on the way. Up until I was 30, I was always shocked when people asked if I had kids- it was like huh- how would I be here and doing what I am doing if I had kids?! Then since I was married at almost 29, a few months after my 30th, I felt like we should decide and since I had heard of so many infertile couples, I thought that maybe we wouldn’t conceive but at least I had given it a go. Well, I conceived instantly and since then my life has been completely different. 2 years later we had No 2 and that was quite a game changer. I had just gotten my figure back and was ready to start some projects this year when No 3 happend so that’s fine- I will work really hard to do as much as I can before the arrival and then just take another chill year after that. You learn to go with the flow and not be so rigid. I do understand that people are so very different in goals and aspirations and I always validate people without kids- it is not the B and end all, but it is enriching and rewarding and I do feel that it has made me grow as a
      person and spiritually. (And my vagina is still intact- it doesn’t have to be ruined in childbirth)
      However there is light at the end of the tunnel and I won’t be in the battlegrounds forever. One day the kids will be older and we can enjoy leisurely Sunday lunches or Fancy Dinner Parties together. But I am definitely envious of DINK people so enjoy it and don’t mind the people who can’t understand. Even if you did have kids, they still wouldn’t understand and you probably would have even less time for them. When I go to adult functions I stay the hell away from those types.

    3. I could have written the exact same things you said Belladonna, down to the “selfish” comments from complete strangers! I do not normally comment but had to reply and just agree with every thing you said because this needs more visibility. Going on 35, happily married, 3 fur babies, cool Aunty to 2, and many more by extension, and I would not change a thing (except for more fur children one day!).

      I think every person has to carve out their own piece of idyllic life, as they see fit. Seek out your own desires and fufillment according to your own truth! Bringing babies into the world isn’t for everyone! Acknowledging this would mean less suffering to the babies who are brought about by less than ideal circumstances. That does not strike me as a selfish thing to do!

  12. I love your post. I’ve had the same thoughts!! Now I don’t feel so guilty. Not that I’d ever trade one moment without my daughter. You might like my blog, thisiswhyigetmigraines.com especially my latest post “I Could Have Had a Massage”

  13. Such a great blog and brought such a smile to my face. A few years ago my dad said to me “life deals each person a set of cards and in this case life didn’t deal you children, but with that comes a hand of cards known as FREEDOM. Play the hand you have been dealt and play it well”

  14. Great read. I don’t have kids, and I want them one day but I am not ready just yet. But, this was a good read. Everybody is different, for some people having kids is just the ultimate thing in life, and that is ok. For others, they want to have kids and also do something else – which is also ok. And for others, the thought of having kids is horrifying (I admit, I am worried about the vagina issue – nobody ever clarifies if it does ever go back to normal. Some say it does, some say it doesn’t …). Your post highlights some very enlightening issues to me. I can’t imagine ever making the decision to never have kids, I love those squishy beings so much (the oldest of five children and sixteen younger cousins I have had my fare share of nappy changing and rocking to sleep haha).

  15. here here , im single and don’t want kids yipppeee, i get everything you said. All my friends have kids and i seem like a party pooper when i am always up for a party or when i come to their parties and i want to go out after lol , they hate it.

  16. I’m an on-the-fencer. At 32 years I’ve only just started to feel like I might actually want them. Time will tell but I will enjoy the crap out of my freedom for the time being.

    1. If you decide to have kids give it a lot of thought. Too many people just rush in thinking being a Mum is going to be fun. For some, who can afford it and make a career of raising good citizens I have great respect. However there are those of us who want to do other things and you just can’t do both. People who moonlight on their kids are not super Mums, they are just kidding themselves.

      1. Yes, I would like my do it after giving it a lot of thought. Not sure what you mean by moonlighting though, if you’re implying it’s bad to be a working mother? In which case I’d strongly disagree with you.

        1. I just love your post and understand where you’re coming from. Just as well you have a sense of humour girl……that will get you through. Good luck…….LOL

        2. Well that’s exactly what I’m implying. Giving birth is nothing compared to the demands made with parenting, Overnight you become a provider responsible for nurturing a little human being and it is the hardest job in the world if you do it properly. Children need their parents guidance 24/7 and where the hell you are going to find that extra time to work as well beats me. Like I have said in other posts, if you are going to farm your babies out to be programmed by other people then why have them in the first place? You won’t even know your children. They will be carbon copies of someone else. Even when they are at school you have to keeping, cook meals, do the washing and ironing, shopping, PTA meetings and making costumes and decorations for their parties and extra curriculums. It’s never ending and to work as well to is moonlight on your kids. The super Mum has been found wanting and kids don’t deserve that. Make your choice first. One thing or the other. That way you will be either great at your career or a really great Mum. However children should always come first and deserve nothing less. And those who don’t have children can do anything they want without the guilt.

          1. PTA meetings and making costumes and decorations for their parties and extra curriculums?? You sound like you are trying to be super mum anyway, with or without the career. I’m not saying raising kids won’t be a difficult, time-consuming challenge, just as the OP said, and there’s nothing wrong with devoting every piece of yourself to it and them if that’s how you want to do it. I just think there’s also something to be said for showing kids that women can be independent and make a way in the world in more ways than one. I know many very well-adjusted adults whose parent(s) worked, and they have a great relationship with them as well. So with all do respect, it’s evident that your one way is not the only right way.

  17. Thank you so much. In five beautifully engineered paragraphs you have perfectly encapsulated my view. I love my godchildren, I love my friends kids, I fully am in awe of all my Mummy friends but I have known since I was 18 (I am now 39) that having children would not be my thing and I have fought tooth and nail for that to be okay with people. ps. and you’re VERY funny

    1. Some people think that the hardest part is giving birth but all living things can procreate. It’s what happens after the birth that matters. You will have that child for the rest of your life and your life will be theirs whether you want it to be or not. Becoming a mother is the biggest decision you will ever make and good luck to you if you survive. LOL

  18. This article just made me so beyond happy! I found out I was pregnant at the end of Dec which was a huge surprise because I was on birth control. Sadly my pregnancy ended early and I am almost lost my life to it but my point here is. I am 27 years old. I raised my younger sisters from the time I was 15 to about 24. I never wanted kids till my 30’s but in the last couple years after having my marriage end was perfectly happy with being Auntie Lindsey for the rest of my life and just living my life. I know what it is like to be a mom I was basically a teenage mom with out having had to give birth and at a young age that was rough. On top of that I have been a nanny for many years so working with kids it is nice to give them back and go about my own life. Since my pregnancy ending a few weeks ago in a scary manner I still feel like I don’t want kids for as long as I can pull of not having them and some people have made me feel guilty for feeling this way. I lost a tube so it will be a little harder either way but the guilt people put on is astonishing!

    1. Thanks to Susan and people like me who realise the importance of making up your own mind, instead of having others brow beating you to be like them, I can tell you that you are only one of millions of us all around the world who were never meant to be mothers. Sadly most people have no choice and millions of unwanted children get born every second. That is not going to happen to you. You have a choice, your own life to live and your own path to follow. In my day you would have been called a radical, a fundamentalist but in these time you are just plain sensible, rational and without people like us with another point of view there would be no progress, no improvement on society and more overpopulation. Like me you know what it’s like to take care of kids and it’s no picnic unless you want to dedicate you whole life to them. Some of us just have other things to do………cheers to you.

  19. Thank you for saying everything we want to say, but can’t. I’ve been unfriended by my parent friends because we simply aren’t allowed to say the real reason we don’t want kids or imply that not everyone who had them was doing the right thing or even realized they had an option not to.

    Like you said, once someone has a child, it’s forbidden to imply it was a mistake because somehow people see that as implying that the child isn’t worth his/her life.

    Anyway, thanks for your voice.

    1. Ignore those who oppose you. Obviously they don’t respect where you are coming from and they never will. Do you really want to have kids to make others happy? Of course not. I live in a retirement village full of elderly people who had their kids and they hardly ever see them now. Do what you know is right for you not those who want what’s best for them.

  20. Brilliant!

    Any parent responding to this has to start with “…obviously I adore my kids, but…”

    And I do.

    I may not have a vagina to worry about, but yes, not having kids is fine. It’s definitely preferable to having kids and then rattling on all over social media about wonderful being a parent is.

    I mean, it is, but stop trying to prove it to everyone.

    (or yourself..?)

  21. And it all comes down to CHOICE. I say do what makes you happy and if not having kids makes you happy, so be it. For me I was at my happiest with 5 kids running around the house, all their friends in an out of my house….now I have the freedom (they are all grown with children of their own) and while it is nice to do whatever I want – what I want is to be with them and my grandchildren. And that’s my choice!

    1. And I am so happy that you made that choice because obviously you have turned out to be a good mother and raised decent children which is a credit to you. However you will have been praised all those years for the great job that you did while those of us who decide that we are just not interested in parenting have in the past been castigated for their so called selfishness. Now thankfully we are realising that it’s OK to choose no to breed and people in the future will thank us too for not contributing to overpopulation. Lots of love and luck to you.

  22. Hmmm…. I can categorically say I’ve never sat around thinking how much more ‘in tact’ another woman’s vagina than mine. I’m more interested in her lifestyle and background – whether she has kids or not.
    I think the ‘my choice’ is better than yours approach is dangerous – and once you learn to accept and be interested by the fact that everyone else is on a different path- then perhaps the jealousy (esp of vaginas and how tight they are) dissolves.
    Having kids is of course challenging – and for some people it isn’t for them, for some people it completes them and for others it’s a painful journey full of loss, disappointment and heartache- and when your kids drive mad it’s worth remembering this.
    A choice doesn’t always equal X either. I have children, a social life, lots of varied conversations, I’m a director in a global organisation, a wardrobe (s) full of size 10/12 clothes, a very hot svelte husband and everything that goes with that. So please – don’t judge my vagina.

  23. What a relief; I’m 70 years old and I was saying mostly what you have put out there, girl. I was the eldest of six and I had no intention of going down the same road as my saintly mother. Needless to say I copped all the shit in the wold because I didn’t but when I got married I told my husband up front that I wouldn’t have kids and work too. My mother worked and I raised my brothers and sisters, who hate me now, because I was always in charge and believe me it just wasn’t worth it. My husband, who I loved more than life, agreed that he wanted me to work for him and that we would give it five years to see how we went. Under continued pressure from friends and family telling us that we would regret it one day when the five years were up we were having so much fun spending the “kid money” on cars, boats, motorbikes, trips overseas and paying cash for our home as we built it ourselves that we both got fertility operations. We knew that kids were not for us and we never ever regretted it. In those days I was a radical, a pioneer of the blessed pill and only those who dance to a different drum break traditions to forge ahead with a mind of their own. My decision didn’t hurt anyone but those who envied us. Now 50 years on I am thrilled by the remarks on this page and proud of you. Not enough thought is given to bringing little lives into the world and the sight of them being abused and neglected makes me sorry that I didn’t get this message to them first. It’s OK to have kids, even though the world is overpopulated (18 billion) and they are as common as muck, but make sure when you do that you do it right because there’s no going back. You could be lucky and crack it for a good one but on the other hand ……..and try thinking like the birds and bees and make a nest before you lay your eggs. People who have kids and no nest usually finish up farming them out to day care centers where they will be brought up by other people’s values and you will miss the whole motherhood thing anyway. I could go on all day……….cheers and thank you for continuing the warning. So many will thank you one day.

    1. The best reply yet! So refreshing to hear it from someone 10 years older than me. I think that sometimes the world has other things planned for certain people. For me I believe…there is something else. Travel, a business perhaps? After 3 miscarriages, IVF & ectopic pregnancy losing a tube…now at 39. I’m finally at peace to move on. There is so much more to life than just having kids. We don’t HAVE TO! Society puts pressure on us all to have them. I really loved your comment. Thank you. 🙏⭐

  24. Wonderful. I sometimes wonder if I am the only woman in this whole country my age and childless. It wasn’t my choice to lose my fertility, but the decision by my body to make it so has always been so thoroughly backed up by my thinking that it’s almost as if I chose it. I don’t begrudge anyone their choice to pro-create, but I really can’t stand the need to try to recruit my non-existent womb into production!

  25. I think not having kids should be the default and to have kids should be a decision made after very serious consideration (and perhaps counselling).

    I have a flexible, decently paid job, as does my fellah. We have a very easy 2 year old who is cared for by us, my mother and day care once a week. Our son makes us laugh a lot. In essence I have the ‘dream’ scenario. And it’s still bloody hard at times!

    Unless the stars align in that you have the right support, enough money, stability, and the desire to raise the best little person that you can (by being the best parent that you can and actively seeking to find out what that means), then I say don’t do it.

    My life with kid is pretty fabulous. But my life without kid was pretty fabulous too.

  26. Hilarious! I really love this and agree, except for the implication that by having children we are automatically destroying our bodies. Those kinds of comments, even when said in jest, perpetuate the cycle of fear around childbirth that is untrue and unfair to women who are planning to have babies and those of us who consider our vaginas to be perfectly intact.

      1. I absolutely can. I’m not denying that many women struggle with significant physical impacts, but to imply that it is a given is untrue.

  27. They’re all my kids.

    All my friends have multiple kids, my sister has 3 kids, they’re all mine. I’m surrounded by sweet little humans and the best part is when I’m sick of them, I hand them over to their parents and THEY THANK ME FOR IT.

    They hate me cause I spoil them, but when they want to escape for the weekend, the kids actually WANT to come over to our place and get dirty in the garage or play video games with us or help us build cat trees and whatnot. We are the anchor our parent friends and family so desperately need to balance out their parenting life with the rest.

    I never felt paternal, my GF has never had that maternal drive, but we don’t feel like we need to have kids of our own because we get to have the best of both worlds and enjoy every minute of it.

    When I die that’s who my money is going to go out to. Nothing is lost because we’re still capable of love.

  28. This forever childfree woman thanks you from the bottom of her heart. Finally someone understand and supports ! Plus you sound like a pretty cool mom.

  29. You are my hero of the mothering world. I’m 31, never want children, and never have. And I’ve spent my whole life (up until yesterday. I’m sure it would have happened today but I’m off of work and drinking my coffee on the balcony alone after getting out of bed at 10:15am) being told I’m WRONG. Wrong wrong wrong. How dare I not want to have children?! How DARE I?! Well, folks, your anger has succeeded in doing nothing more than solidifying the fact that I love my life the way it is, and I don’t intend to torture some poor child that I don’t want simply because you think you know what’s best for me. So I thank you, from someone who doesn’t want kids, for writing something like this. Because I forgot that there were still people with brains in the world.

  30. I’m a GINK green no kids. And apart from one or two gentle and sad queries from my MIL no one has ever said – anything which would have made my hackles rise.
    But at the circus protest it was SO good to see young parents teaching their children right!

  31. To each their own. My vagina is totally just as tight (2 kids later), orgasms are even better and everything feels better when we do it since having kids. I don’t mind anyone having a different opinion. I also agree that you shouldn’t have kids if you don’t feel it’s for you, however I know people who didn’t want kids and had them and absolutely loved it…so you never really know! But, just don’t assume our vajayjays aren’t as good, because my husband and I couldn’t be happier :) I crave more babies! (Not for that reason)

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