Naturally Skinny Women are Boknaaiers

Dinner is served.

Please understand that I use the word ‘boknaaier’ to describe Naturally Skinny Women (NSW from here on) with the greatest affection. My very best friend in the world is an NSW. If she wants to lose weight she’ll cut her daily beer consumption down very slightly and be emaciated by the end of the week. If so much as the froth of somebody’s draught is blown my way by the south-easterly wind and it happens to land somewhere near my person it is guaranteed that I will gain 4kgs instantaneously and have to change my pants. This is simply the way of my genes, and it is vexing in the extreme.

It is unfortunately also the way of my genes that I am perpetually starving. If (god forbid) 10am rolls around and by some extremely unusual series of circumstances I have not eaten breakfast, small children standing close to me are in grave danger. Also, I think exercising is very, very poofy. I do it because if I didn’t I would be extremely fat, but I don’t like it one iota and I skive off every opportunity I get. And yet, knowing all of this about myself, I remain in the deepest denial around what I know I can get away with eating (one tomato hold the basil), and even though I really, really do know better, I still to this day manage to convince myself that ludicrous eating plans which insist they have discovered the dieting truth and light continue to lure me with their lies and false promises.

Just last month I was eating eggs with my butter and telling my long-suffering husband how finally I had found the answer. All you need is fat. Even though I have followed this eating plan five times (five, people) without success, hope springs eternal in my damaged little heart. For 6 weeks I fried the chicken in lard, snacked on streaky bacon, and ate cake-sized wedges of cheese and then, heart in throat, tentatively got on my scale. To discover I had gained weight. No problem, Butter Bob on YouTube insisted; you’re retaining water. Wait for the ‘keto whoosh’ (a state where, Keto converts insist, your body ‘lets go’ of the water it’s been retaining and you wee a million times and be thin). I’m still waiting for the whoosh. Aint no whoosh comin’ this girl’s way.

To cut a long and sad story short, cutting carbs didn’t work for me. Nor did filling up on fat ‘so that would become my fuel’. Nor did rawism, veganism, juicism (invented word) or starving. Well, starving might have worked if I could have kept it up for longer than half an hour. And all those theories about not producing insulin and starving your body of carbs so you burn your own fat and and… I don’t deny that they work for some lucky souls, but for me? Not in the slightest. And people say, but did you do it right? Did you follow the rules? YES. For once in my life I really, really did follow the rules. Because I desperately wanted to have found the answer; to eat delicious food and STILL LOSE WEIGHT. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t like all that fat. Or, it likes it so much it stores it for the next fast. Which, now that we have uber eats, unfortunately never comes.

So, I’m back to square one – dry Ryvitas and Marmite and enough chicken breasts to make me start squawking. And finally, slowly, I’m losing a bit of the fat I gained from my bacon bonanza. Is it delicious? Not in the slightest. Would I rather be eating racks of ribs with my hands? Certainly. But best I suck it up because this is the way it is. And I’m vain and want to wear what I want to wear. And it’s a choice I make, and maybe it’s un-PC and if I were a better feminist I wouldn’t care. But I know when I feel my best, and unfortunately it’s not at my heaviest weight. So, onwards and upwards and we’ll get there in the end. Or not. But NSWs are boknaaiers, and that’s my final word on the matter.

10 thoughts on “Naturally Skinny Women are Boknaaiers

  1. Susan, I feel it with you.
    I am older than you and find it harder to lose weight. I am diabetic and do the banting diet. I lost some and gained some again, when I fell off the sugarless/carb-free wagon. I do cheat, but know the seriousness of being negligent with regard to keeping my blood sugar under control. At one point I was quite thin doing yoga and regular gym, then broke my ankle and I was rewarded with some fat.
    My sister is much younger and she battles too. She pays personal trainers, loses weight, then the flu puts it all back again when she’s too sick to gym. It is all very soul-destroying.
    A friend just said she is going for an injection to lose weight. I still have to find out which injection that is. I also have friends who eat anything and never gain an ounce.

    Are we influenced by America’s Hollywood ‘perfection’. Probably.

    Exhausting as it is, lets keep trying until the stars fall from the sky : )

  2. What works for me is checking calorie intake. My husband had knee surgery and needed to lose weight. He has lost 11 kg by monitoring calories. Try the FatSecret app – it works for us. Just be sure to enter everything you put in your mouth.

  3. Please tell me: what is a boknaaier?
    Also, it’s not all bad. I guess I’m one of those women you want to hate but my face looks older than God because there’s no flesh to plump up. I’d truly rather have a few pounds on my hips [although I’d prefer them on what used to be called my breasts but now I just call ‘front!’] than this sad, old, saggy, baggy face.

    1. Ha ha! I was waiting for someone to ask… In polite terms it refers to someone who has relations with buck, but that really doesn’t do the term justice. Just a silly, funny Afrikaans expression for somebody who’s not playing nicely :-)

  4. I think seeing a nutritionist is the best way to go but that’s just my opinion. I’ve never been to one and I’m a NSW so no matter what I eat I struggle to gain weight and build muscle but learning what my body reacts to best has help and I think that’s where a nutritionist can help.

  5. I’ve just had the best giggle ever, Susan, my adorable skinny daughter. You are such a treat.

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