Month: August 2013

Sunday in Kalk Bay

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Sophie and E Kalk Bay

For the longest time I’ve been thinking about making a documentary on the fisherman of Kalk Bay, a community which won’t be around for very much longer. This week a photographer friend of mine introduced me to a film producer who liked the idea and offered to help us put it together at no charge. So, today we put the girls in the car and took a drive down there to have a look around.

Kalk Bay Fishing Boat

It was cold and windy, and nothing much was happening on the quay. The woman I was hoping to speak to wasn’t there, so we took ourselves up the road for something warm to drink. The thing is, while doing what you love is great in theory, it doesn’t always translate into hard cash. This project will take a lot of time and energy, and there are no guarantees that anyone will buy our short film when it’s done. This is how it goes when you do this kind of work.

Pernuin coffee. Just because they could.
Penguin coffee. Just because they could.

We went on, stopping at art galleries and little antique shops. I love Kalk Bay. It’s so close to Cape Town, but it’s managed to maintain that little fishing village feel. By the time we’d walked the length of the town the sun had come out. The harbour was full now with people arriving for a Sunday lunch of fish and chips. Of making hard decisions, they say, ‘leap and the net will appear,’ a saying which is particularly apt in this case. By the side of the road someone was selling beautiful beaded hearts. I bought one to remind me of what I need to be following.

Bead heart

A Beach in Winter

~ susanhayden ~ 2 Comments

Sophie milnerton beach

The incredible thing about Cape Town winters is days like today when the temperature sails up to 24, 25 degrees, and beaches where the south-easter howls in summer, like the ones around Milnerton, become perfection itself. We found ourselves there by accident after we discovered the Milnerton market was closing up for the day. People were surfing, swimming, looking for mussels or, like us, just chilling and admiring the view of Table Mountain.

Susan Milnerton beach

Sophie and I dozed and watched the water, and Per and Elisabeth wandered off to find shells.

After an hour or so we walked up to Maestros for cold beer and garlic pizzas. On the way home 5fm played cool music and we turned it up loudly and drove with the windows open and the air was warm and the world felt good. And the thing is, this is where we live – not in crime stats or newspaper articles or doomsday predictions about the future, but in days.

Per, Elisabeth milnerton

Maybe men aren’t as shit as we think. Just a thought.

~ susanhayden ~ 3 Comments

So, this morning I woke up to a long, considered letter from a guy I went to school with accusing me (albeit in gentler terms) of male bashing, and challenging me to come up with something positive about men for a change. Which led to a rather painful, pre-coffee discussion with my husband about whether I could, in fact, come up with 10 nice things to say about the other gender (he assured me I couldn’t). Writing this without a hefty dose of generalization is going to be impossible, so bear with me. Let’s see if I can do this. Here are 10 awesome things about men:

1. Men don’t hold grudges
While we women will sulk till the cows come home, guys will have it out with each other and move on. Which saves a lot of time and unnecessary bad blood.

2. Men are long-suffering
While women will nitpick, whine and find fault with the smallest details of their lives, men will just get on with things – all the while working really hard to make sure we have nice stuff.

3. Men are generous to a fault
Someone will do something pretty crap to my husband and he’ll usually shrug it off as them having a bad day and not think about it again. Should the same thing happen to me, I’d probably plot their painful demise. Gotta hand that to him.

4. Men try hard to please us
They really do. I don’t see a lot of that coming from women, on the other hand. We force our men to be different – to open up, talk about their emotions and be sensitive to our feelings. But we’re not really prepared to change in the same way because we believe we’re always right. So, often the compromising is a little one-sided. In my experience, anyway.

5. Modern men are amazing fathers despite having had no blueprint for fathering
I have male friends whose fathering makes me look like Anna Wintour. They’re patient, hands-on, attentive and engaged, and somehow they figure out how to be these things without having had any proper fathering of their own. It impresses and humbles me to the nth degree.

6. The men I know are great feminists
Despite the fact that a mere 50 years ago women were being ordered to put a ribbon in their hair and have a good dinner ready when their husbands came home from work, I’ve only been involved with men who are encouraging and endlessly supportive of the women in their lives.

7. Men don’t care when we gain weight
They don’t. It’s us putting the pressure on ourselves.

8. Men are easy to please
You’ve heard the jokes about beer and blowjobs. It’s not quite as simple as that, but almost.

9. Men aren’t conniving
They’re more inclined than women are to tell it like it is, which means there’s less second-
guessing and game-playing involved. Usually you know where you stand.

10. Men will write letters to women complaining that they’re being misrepresented
Which means that they care what we think and that they want things to be different. And they’re getting different, it just takes time.

SO THERE.

10 Things I Know About Men at 40 That I Didn’t Know at 20

~ susanhayden ~ 8 Comments

Writing for women’s magazines for close on 20 years has taught me some stuff about men and relationships. Here are a few biggies every girl needs to know:

– It doesn’t matter how awesome you are, if he’s not ready to settle down it’s never going to happen.

– He’ll say anything to shag you, but only when he knows you’re not the right girl.

– If he’s 30 or older and has never been in a serious relationship there’s a reason for that. Beware.

– Men want exactly the same things women do – to be loved, nurtured and respected.

– Consistent kindness is much more important than grand gestures. The guy who showers you with expensive gifts is often not the guy who shows up when you really need him.

– Men reveal themselves in the first few minutes of meeting you, so listen carefully to what he says. If he says he doesn’t want children, for example, you need to believe him.

– By the same token, he’ll tell you (without meaning to) how the relationship will end. Listen for clues like, ‘I’m bad at commitment/I was unfaithful/none of my relationships have lasted longer than three months.’ It’s a warning to you.

– If he cheated on his girlfriend/wife with you, rest assured he’ll cheat on you, too.

– The way he speaks about other people says more about him than it does about them. He’s mean about his ex? He’s a mean guy. Run for the hills.

– If he regularly needs ‘space’ or you find yourself making a lot of concessions to be with him, chances are he’s just not that into you. And he never will be. Leave, and find somebody else.

The LOVE RSA range from Mr Price Home

~ susanhayden ~ 2 Comments
Seriously, how fun?
Seriously, how fun?

I think this is just the coolest range of stuff ever to be produced down here, and sold at a totally affordable price. It’s colourful and ironic and iconographic, and you can’t feel miserable when you walk into a room and see this gold-toothed guy with fabulous hair hanging out on your couch. It’s also a reminder to embrace the madness of life down here and not take things too seriously. We’re all a bit bemal, and that’s okay. There are worse things to be, like boring. I got this one at Canal Walk, and I keep meaning to go and get more.

Don’t speak American when you’re actually from Nelspruit, guy

~ susanhayden ~ 10 Comments

So, I was at a party a while back and there was this guy chatting to some girls in a lovely American accent. And I thought, it’s so nice, all the multi-culturalism we’re experiencing down here lately, but then later on when he wandered into my periph and I asked him what part of the States he was from, he told me he was born in Nelspruit but that when he left college he lived in Chicago for nine months. Nelspruit? Nine months? Okay, something is very wrong with this picture.

Now, I understand very well the seductiveness of Americana. When I was 10 I regularly had conversations with myself in the mirror in a phony American accent because, in those days, everything American was cool and everything South African was stupid. They had The Cosby Show and CHiPs, we had Trompie and Blitzpatrollie. They had cool presidents and a Star Spangled banner, we had P.W.Botha and Oranje Blanje Blou. It just wasn’t ayoba to be from here. And it was devastating to me that my parents couldn’t see the error of their ways, pack up our belongings and go somewhere fabulous, like Idaho. Because any back-water town in America had to be better than Somerset West.

I also wanted to wear normal clothes to school, go to the prom, be in a sorority (not that I know what that means to this day) and drive at the age of 16. I just knew that in America I would be something. But, happily, I grew up and was lucky enough to travel and while I love the US with a capital ‘l’, and if I had to live anywhere else in the world it would probably be there – I mean, who else puts bacon on a cake? – I’ve also learnt that America is just a place like any other, and while it’s really, really good at marketing itself, real-life Americans are just ordinary people, and for all the hoo-hah surrounding this nation, can be surprisingly conservative and parochial in their thinking.

Which makes me curious about why some of us are so eager to leave our roots behind and take on this identity. Danish actress from the eighties, Brigitte Nielsen, had barely been in Hollywood for five minutes when, in an interview on Danish television, she asked the host to please speak English as she ‘couldn’t remember’ Danish. Huh? Then of course there is Charlize who we can’t get cross with because we love her so much, but must she talk like that all the time? Nicole Kidman still speaks like an Aussie, after all, and everyone understands her perfectly.

I guess, somewhere in our psyche, we’re still a bit shy about coming from a country which institutionalized racism right up to the nineties, and we’ll always have a slight inferiority complex about being on the arse-end of Africa and not having been allowed to buy Levis. But the truth is that lately we’re actually pretty much up there in the stakes of cool. I’d say, since Mandela, Nelspruit might even beat Idaho as a happening place to come from. So, Nelspruit guy, I hope when you’re old like me you’ll see the silliness of pretending to be something you’re not, drop the fake accent and embrace your roots. You’re more interesting than you think.

Per’s Easy-peasy Paella

~ susanhayden ~ Leave a comment
Doesn't that look like the real McCoy?
Doesn’t that look like the real McCoy?

This dish has always scared me a bit – the mussel shells and saffron rice looked so intimidating, but the other night Per found some frozen seafood we had leftover from a party, and rustled up a Paella which, I have to say, was better than the one we ate in Spain (and my friend Alison agreed, so it must be true). Actually, using frozen prawns worked just as well, and aside from the seafood, the stuff you need is really pretty basic. And even though you can pull this cheat version off in 20 minutes flat, it’s fancy enough to serve to guests and look like you’re pretty accomplished. And we like dishes like that. If you have a big wok, make it and serve it in that. Otherwise, a large frying pan or any shallow-ish pot will do.

You’ll need:

White rice
Frozen prawns and mussels
Two chicken breasts
A chorizo sausage (optional)
An onion
Two cloves of garlic
A tablespoon of dried paprika
A carrot
Saffron or turmeric
A red or green pepper or frozen peas or both
Chicken stock

Method:

Chop your onion, garlic, red or green pepper and carrot and fry it up in a bit of oil. If you have saffron, add a pinch, otherwise a teaspoon of turmeric works just as well. Sprinkle in your paprika. Add your chicken breasts chopped into bit-sized pieces and if you want to include Chorizo, chop it up and put that in now. Fry the meat up a bit so everything browns a little. Add a cup of rice, fry it up and bit, and then whack in two cups of chicken stock. Put the lid on, turn the heat down and leave it till nearly all the water’s been absorbed. Add your frozen seafood and peas, a sprinkle of salt and black pepper and put the lid back on for ten minutes or so, till the rest of the water disappears. And that’s it! Serve with lemon wedges, crusty bread and a bottle of bubbly. It’s a party in a pot.

The Selfie, and why you must resist posting that pic

~ susanhayden ~ 5 Comments
Selfie with friend - the only acceptable kind.
Selfie with friend – the only acceptable kind.

We all do weird things in front of the mirror. I make this little pout with my lower lip which marginally improves the dimensions of my face and then I walk around the rest of the day pretending to myself that I actually look like that. Sometimes I do the pouty face in the rear-view mirror of the car when I’m putting on lip-gloss and then I notice someone watching me and feel pretty silly, as I deserve to do. With the advent of social media and the inevitable growth of The Selfie – that long-armed, flattering pic your take of yourself with your phone – kidding ourselves that we look a certain way has been taken to a whole new level.

We’ve all lain on the beach and looked down at our thighs with the sun and the sea in the background and thought, ‘hm… not a shabby pic.’ Sometimes we even *clears throat* take that pic. And we’ve all, en route somewhere we want to look fancy, taken a photo of ourselves in the mirror to make sure the outfit we picked out actually works or sent it to a friend for advice on shoes or used it to establish whether the smoky eye we saw them do on TV makes us look like an extra on Jerseylicious. And this is all well and good, but it’s like picking your nose in bed – while it’s a fact of life, nobody needs to know you do it.

But then there are those people who actually post the pic. And it blows my mind. Because the folks who end up seeing it on Facebook and Twitter don’t think, ‘oh wow, s/he is looking awesome, those Cross Fit classes are really paying off,’ they think, oh-my-fucking-god-are-you-serious?! Whether you do it out of insecurity or plain, old vanity, it just makes you look like a twat. So, your new eyelash extensions are amazeballs, and when you stare directly at the light and aim the camera just so your eyes totally look like those coloured lenses? Do not post the pic. Your arm looks so freaking thin from that angle you’d swear you hadn’t eaten since October? Still – do not post the pic. When you lift yourself a little off your beach-towel and clench your stomach muscles hard and the light falling a certain way creates the illusion of a six-pack? Especially do not post the pic.

It’s hard, I know. We all want to look great and be loved and admired but the truth is our friends and loved ones know what we look like. They’ve seen us first thing in the morning, drooling after three bottles of Shiraz and doing the ugly cry minutes after we’ve been dumped. No amount of funny faces or distorted body poses are going to convince them we turned into Heidi Klum overnight. Nor is it going to make them want to be around us more. Because the truth is, it’s the quirkiness and imperfections we share that truly make us loveable. So, by all means send the pic to your besty and write ‘fucking hell, I am SMOKING right now!,’, but don’t put it on your Timeline. It’s just the wrong thing to do.

Stine’s Incredible 20-Minute Crispbread

~ susanhayden ~ 6 Comments
Delish with avo, fresh tomato, sea salt and black pepper
Delish with avo, fresh tomato, sea salt and black pepper

My sister-in-law, Stine (pronounced Steena) is one of those extraordinary women who’ll decide, at 2pm, that there’s nothing for afternoon coffee, disappear into the kitchen and emerge 45 minutes later with a three-tiered strawberry sponge cake. She also makes clothes, works full-time as a nutritionist, raises three teenage daughters and manages a farm. There are truly few things this girl cannot do. Oh, and she’s funny and gorgeous, to boot.

One afternoon, on a visit to them at their holiday house by the sea, a tupperware of these amazing crispbreads lay open, and it was all we could do not to polish off the lot. The thing about these is that they’re so nutty and crispy and delish that you don’t even need a topping. Though mashed avo and tomato is out of this world, as is any kind of cheese.

For me, who doesn’t do wheat well, they’re a lifesaver. They contain a small amount of flour which can easily be substituted for rye or almond flour if you’re gluten intolerant. They are packed with seeds, and your kids will eat them with no idea how healthy this tasty snack actually is. Plus, they really take no time at all which, for the laziest chef in the universe, is probably the biggest bonus of all.
You’ll need:

half a cup of oats
half a cup of sesame seeds
half a cup of linseeds
half a cup of sunflower seeds
half a cup of Pumpkin seeds
a cup of flour (wheat, rye or almond)
half a cup of water
half a cup of oil (choose one without flavour, like sunflower)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon fine salt

Method:

Mix everything together and separate into three portions. Between two sheets of baking paper, use a rolling pin to roll the mixture flat till it’s about 3mm thick. With a knife, slice it into whatever size cracker you want (I keep them pretty big. You can always break one in half. Though you won’t). Bake in a pre-heated oven at 200 degrees for 15-20 minutes, or until they’re golden and slightly darker along the edges. Store in an airtight container so that they stay nice and crispy. See how long they last in your house.

How Married People Start Sounding Like Rainman (Part 2)

~ susanhayden ~ 3 Comments

I’m thinking this could become a series. Herewith Sunday night:

Him: There’s a new movie out called Pacific Rim.
Me: Pacific what?
Him: Pacific Rim.
Me: What?
Him: Rim.
Me: What’s a rim? How can the Pacific have a rim?
Him: Listen to me: PACIFIC RIM.
Me: The rim of the Pacific? How can the Pacific have a rim? How can the sea have a rim?
Him: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

I still I have no idea. Anyone wanna shed light?